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Home / Bay of Plenty Times

Tauranga explores new ways to spread ashes

Caroline Fleming
By Caroline Fleming
Multimedia Journalist·Bay of Plenty Times·
26 Jun, 2020 08:38 PM5 mins to read

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Kathy Sleep from Hope Family Funeral Services said they aimed to explore any ideas that a family may have for their loved one's ashes. Photo / George Novak

Kathy Sleep from Hope Family Funeral Services said they aimed to explore any ideas that a family may have for their loved one's ashes. Photo / George Novak

A standard wooden urn containing a loved one's ashes kept on a cabinet or buried under a plaque has been the societal norm for decades - but this is changing.

From calling the inside of a teddy bear home, to being made into a pot or vase or even being bottled up and sent to space - the options in 2020 are endless and Tauranga funeral homes are getting on board.

Kathy Sleep from Hope Family Funeral Services said they aimed to explore any ideas that a family may have for their loved one's ashes.

"We listen to what people want."

Sleep said she had heard every idea under the sun. Some of the most popular are ashes popped into jewellery or buried inside a comforting soft toy.

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She said a woman had once come in who had lost her husband and she had been sleeping with his ashes but had been getting a sore arm from the weight of them.

"I suggested putting the ashes into a soft toy, which she liked the idea of."

She came back a week later saying that her husband would have a "fit" if he knew he'd been put in a toy so she asked to have him put in a tube to scatter.

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"Grief is so different for everyone. People have different ways of coming to terms with a death."

On another occasion, they had spread ashes throughout a number of small tubes to be "keepsakes" for each family member; another woman's ashes were put in separate teddy bears for her niece and nephews.

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Sleep said they had also explored the options of putting ashes underneath scented candles or made into paperweights.

"I am always hearing people say they didn't think they could do that when it comes to ashes."

Waihi's Andrew Killick had also heard the same thing.

Killick owned Laughing Pottery and regularly made pots, vases, and even birdbaths out of human and animal ashes.

"Some people feel funny about it, but we think it's quite a nice way to personalise a memorial."

Ash could be mixed into the clay and be virtually made into anything, he said.

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He once had a woman come in with her dog's ashes and since he had always slept under the birdbath in the garden, they decided to make him into one.

In another case, a woman's relative had been a big fan of flowers so they made her into a vase.

Over the years, he had made about 25 pieces out of human or animal ashes.

"We try to do it as respectfully as we can. we record the process as well as lighting incense and blessing the clay."

Ngai Te Rangi Pou Herenga Reon Tuanau said cultural discussions needed to be had with local iwi when spreading ashes on public Māori land.

Cultural rituals needed to be carried out when a person died in a place including a rāhui, which put a temporary ban on the use of that place.

Tuanau said this caused problems when people spread ashes on Mount Maunganui beach or Mauao because it was "culturally inappropriate".

"We deem them as a place for the living and when people spread ashes there without speaking with us, it creates confusion in terms of tapu or imposing a rāhui."

Under the Mauao Historic Reserve Management Plan, no one was allowed to scatter ashes in the reserve because it was considered inappropriate.

Trustee for Legacy Funerals Greg Brownless said the rules around where a person could spread ashes were "obscure" and people should use "common sense".

"It should be done discreetly ... not in a place where people may come across them. Some do find it quite difficult to take."

He said if people wanted to do it in a public place, they should seek permission from the landowner.

Many did still opt for a simple plaque because it was a "focal point" and somewhere to go to grieve, he said.

"But I also know quite a few who have headed out to sea and scattered them, then when they walk on the shoreline they can remember that person."

He said he had even heard of people in America sending ashes to space, which could be a future option for the city.

In other cases, some people put off picking up ashes from the funeral home.

"Not too many have actually been forgotten," he said, but some people preferred to give it a few years before collecting.

He said he had heard of places that were holding some very long-term ashes.

Richard Fullard from Rotorua's Osbornes Funeral Directors said they had more than a dozen ashes still sittng at the home. The oldest dates back to the 1990s.

He said some people chose not, or simply forgot, to pick up the ashes of their loved ones.

"If the next of kin has also passed we keep them here just in case. The ashes all get a good morning from me every day as I walk past."

Tauranga City Council manager of spaces and places Mark Smith said they provided cremation services and provided land for burial and ash plots.

"If someone would like to scatter ashes in Tauranga on public land, we advise them to contact us to discuss where and when they would like to scatter them."

If the permission was granted, those responsible would be asked to be mindful of things like the time of day they scattered them and keeping to low public use areas.

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