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Home / Bay of Plenty Times

Richard Moore: The year that's just been

Bay of Plenty Times
26 Dec, 2011 08:50 PM4 mins to read

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What a year it has been: Earthquakes, a ship-parking disaster, the Arab Spring, a horrifying tsunami and a royal wedding,

Poor old Christchurch has been stuffed by an endless series of quakes that have left major portions of the city uninhabitable and its residents' nerves shattered.

How they continue on is beyond me, I'd have packed up my kids and tootled off elsewhere long ago.

One of my choices for a new home would have been a pretty little place in Japan on the Oshika Peninsula.

Unfortunately that was washed away in the great March earthquake and tsunami that killed almost 16,000 people.

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Watching the walls of water speeding towards land and then seeing buildings, cars and people washed away showed the world just how devastating tsunamis can be.

Mind you, nine months on from that and do we yet have any warning sirens along the coastal strip of Papamoa and the Mount? Chance, would be a fine thing.

Ah well, maybe next Christmas we'll get a surprise.

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On the world stage I reckon the Arab Spring has to be one of the most amazing political upheavals we have witnessed.

The Arab world is not exactly known for human rights or tolerance of dissent, but we saw crowds taking to the streets in almost every North African and Middle Eastern nation resulting in two revolutions, in Tunisia and Egypt, and a civil war in Libya that ended with the death of bully-boy nutter Muammar Gaddafi.

Hopefully, Syria's scumbag leader Basher-boy Assad will end up like Gaddafi and the world will be safer place without his evil hand on the levers of terrorism.

Some more notable passings included:

The exceptionally talented, but troubled, Amy Winehouse died and her leaving us was truly sad.

Amy, my tears dry on their own for you.

North Korea's Kim Jong Il became Kim Jong-Very-Il and then to Kim Jong-Dead. Can anyone tell me why North Korea's leaders are all porkers while the rest of them look anorexic?

We also noted the passing of Dr Death, better known as Jack Kevorkian, the Michigan pathologist who put assisted suicide on the medical ethics stage. Surprisingly, he died naturally of pneumonia.

Lastly, but not least, we waved ta-ta to the world's most hated individual, arch-terrorist and personification of bad beards Osama bin Laden.

Now I'm pretty reasonable fortune teller, take the recent election result for example, but I've had to call for assistance with what is likely to happen in 2012.

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Who better to help me read the future through the tea leaves but Epsom MP and singular Act-or in Parliament John Banks.

Famous for his work over cups of tea, Banksie is slurping back a jugful of Earl Grey in order to get at the future-releasing antioxidants. Me, I'll have a dram or three of Black Bush and off we trot.

Ooooo, it's getting misty. Oooooo and dark. What's that up there? Oh, it's a light. I'll just ease my way over and check it out.

Riccardo's Crystal Ball for 2012:

The price of a lamb leg will hit $70 in the supermarkets.

Farmers will moan they're not making enough money.

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An All Black will appear in court for some thuggery and have his name suppressed.

Christchurch will have two days in a row without a tremor and Mayor Bob Parker will finally be able to take off his orange-and-black jacket.

Scientists will discover the recessive gene that means some people - even those with IQs of more than 60 - still think they can text and drive safely.

The International Rugby Board will discover that Richie McCaw is actually Australian and was, therefore, ineligible player for New Zealand in the World Cup. It will demand the final to be replayed and, you guessed it, it will end All Blacks 8, France 9.

Tauranga's rates will rise well above inflation.

Hone Harawira will be riding his horse through his Te Tai Tokerau electorate when struck by lightning. He will survive, but will wake up realising he is 74 per cent Pakeha, and of aristocratic descent. He will rename his Mana Party the Manor Party and will swear allegiance to not only the Queen, but also Prince Phil, Pippa's bottom and the corgis.

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Person of the Year: Actually it's a machine. A big, tough lump of metal that refuses to die. I'm giving the award to the Rena. Against all the odds that ship out there on Astrolabe Reef has held together long enough for its oil to be removed and is doing the same so the 1300-plus containers can be taken off as well.

Cheers to the salvage crews, too.

richard@richardmoore.com

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