"Okay guys let's 'consult'," they say.
"This is our plan - to leave the Rena where it is."
"Yes we know we are the owners/insurers but, if you are reasonable, you would realise it would be unreasonable to make us take it all away.
"Why? It would cost too much and, when you think about it, nobody sees it out there and it will be good for diving."
But, didn't you say it was too dangerous for your professional divers to work around the wreck in swells of more than 1m?
"Yes, er, well ... harrumph ... it's different for leisure divers."
If you leave the wreck there will the large exclusion zone go?
"Good question, yes, very good question and one that you should put to Maritime NZ because that's their problem, ah, we mean ... area of decision-making."
And what about the toxic things said to be aboard some containers in the ship and surrounding it?
"Who said they were toxic? They're just old bits of containers, cars, household goods, chemicals, furniture ... a couple may have things on that could possibly in the wrong situation be regarded as being a bit like something you may not want to have in your pristine ocean but, hey, it could have been a blown oil drilling rig."
Don't change the subject.
"Sorry. No toxic stuff, anything else will just be dispersed and diluted in the ocean. There's a lot of ocean you know."
What about things coming ashore.
"Nothing will be coming ashore, it will all wash away."
How about the billions of plastic beads?
"What beads?"
The tiny white beads we continually find along the watermark on Papamoa Beach. Scores per metre. Who will pay for them to be cleaned up in perpetuity?
"Oh that's an issue for the local councils. They're pretty good on that sort of thing. We will give the Government an extra $10 million to cover all that and that'll be the end of it."
So you reckon $10 million will cover the future clean-up?
"Are we on the record?"
No. How much do you reckon the Rena will actually cost to fully clean up?
"Oh at least another $300 million, give or take $10 million or so. Are you sure we aren't on the record?"
Positive. So what makes you think the New Zealand Government would allow you to cut and run away from your financial and moral responsibilities to remove the Rena?
"Hahahahahaha, oh you make us laugh, hahahahahaha. We will give them $10 million. It's perfect."
The Government would never allow that to happen, too many people would be against it.
"Oh, HAHAHAHAHA, you are a very silly chap."
So do you have any doubts about getting resource consent? "None at all."
Are you sure?
"As sure as we can be."
What if people in Papamoa raised a hell of a ruckus, with public rallies and thousands of objections to your resource consent application. What if the local councils fought you all the way? What if the Government grew some balls in election year in the face of an almighty backlash?
"Not listening, la di di da da ... can't hear you."
And what if the process is delayed until after the election? What happens if the next Government is a Labour-Greens coalition that I suspect will not be so tolerant of you shafting Papamoa and Tauranga?
"You're not so funny any more. Consultation over."
Richard Moore is an award-winning Western Bay journalist and photographer.
richard@richardmoore.com
