NEWSROOM: Young bums - if the nappy fits, let's make them wear it

By Julia Holmes
Forget bright vests as a means of publicly shaming young criminals.
I have a better idea.
Nappies.
If they are going to carry out juvenile acts, why not dress them appropriately?
In the case of the vandals who have repeatedly attacked Gwen Rogers Free Kindergarten at Omanu in recent weeks, they could literally do with a few pairs.
Not only did they ransack the playground, leaving it littered with glass, nails and bits of broken pipes, they also left an unpleasant calling card.
Unlike the potty-trained pre-schoolers who use the kindergarten, these louts obviously couldn't hold on long enough to make it to a public convenience and, like dogs, they used the bark play area.
They didn't even have the decency to use a pooper-scooper.
Making the transition from nappies to underpants is a big step for toddlers, a rite of passage to becoming a "big" girl or boy.
I have it on good authority that one of the biggest insults an older sibling can use to taunt a little brother or sister is to call them a "nappy-bum".
That being the case, there must be some Freudian-backing for "diaper disciplining" these petty criminals.
With crime rating first equal with health as the burning issue in the Bay this election, many people are calling for harsher penalties and tougher sentencing.
Personally, I would like to see more relevant punishments.
Such as the Tauranga man who earlier this year was ordered to spend a day on a pig farm after calling police "pig shit".
Following his visit, he had to present a letter to the Tauranga District Court explaining what he had learned from the experience - that there was nothing in common with a pig and a police officer.
Litterbugs could be treated in a similar fashion, by being issued with a summons to the dump.
A day's aversion therapy in the pit sorting through rubbish should make them think twice about polluting this beautiful city of ours.
Imagine all the recyclable items they could sift out of household waste.
And what about boy (and girl) racers who noisily tear up and down the streets in the middle of the night?
For them I propose isolation in a darkened room for 24 hours with continual "Pssshhhhh Vrrroooom Pssshhhhh Vrrroooom" sounds booming from all four corners.
Make that a padded cell. They might need something to bounce off once they take leave of their senses.
It's all about having respect for other people and our environment.
It's about putting ourselves in other people's shoes and thinking before we act.
Simple really.
So if they ever catch those who thoughtlessly trashed Gwen Rogers Free Kindergarten, my recommended punishment would be this: not only should they be made to repair the damage and fund it out of their own pockets, they should do so while wearing nappies.
Meanwhile, the victims - the kindy kids who have had their toys broken, artwork wrecked and playground left too unsafe to romp in - can line up on the periphery and taunt them with chants of "nappy-bum".