Katee Shanks: How I came to be raising my grandchild

I have found myself raising a grandchild facing the primary school years for a second time. Photo / Getty

COMMENT:

Next May my granddaughter turns 4. At that milestone of her life, she would have been in my care for longer than she was her parents.

My granddaughter came to me for a variety of reasons.

I was absolutely one of those parents who looked forward to having an empty nest. I had told my children I wanted a yawning gap between my youngest heading off to university and grandparenthood.

Turns out that didn't happen. I was with my daughter when my granddaughter was born and, for a time, loved being a doting Nan.

But a weekend stay in January last year was the beginning of my journey raising a grandchild.

Now every morning I get up, hang washing, make beds, pack my granddaughter's pre-school lunch, and get her dressed, brush her teeth and then head out the door. I go to work. Every afternoon I collect my granddaughter and take her (grumpy and tired) to the supermarket.

We go home and I try and find something fun to do although the television is often a saviour. I cook her dinner, get her washed, read her a book and pray she will go to sleep and stay asleep until morning. Then I do whatever else needs to be done.

I do not go to the gym, or go for a walk, or read a book, or get to sleep in, or go out socialising. I do not get to be a Nan who spoils her grandchild – I have to say no, and teach manners, and brush her teeth and hair and take her to preschool when she doesn't want to go.

I am almost 50 and I am knackered.

I am dreading navigating the primary school years again.

Perhaps the hardest thing to take is the fact I am always the bad guy. I'm the bad guy for not taking sides, for not always saying yes, for applying for financial help and most of all – for being selfish.

I love my granddaughter and I will do everything I have to do so she grows up loved, safe and happy.

This was not my life plan, but it is my life.