Why do adults feel the need to eat sensibly and in a tidy fashion?

That doesn't seem like fun at all. Mum said not to play with your food. Well, mum doesn't pay the bills anymore now does she, so have at it I say!

You are dead set lying to me if you haven't wanted to just insert your chomping li'l face in to a big plate of spag bol/ice cream/dip before! How good would it be to just literally put a claw hand in a bowl of kiwi onion dip?! Claws like the ones they have at arcades where you never actually win ...

Do it!


The only thing stopping you is the judgement of other people and, if you're alone, what you've been TOLD is standard practise.

Our parents should be ashamed then. They set this manners bar way to high. And for what reason? Hygiene?

Oh, good point. But if we all did it our immune systems would be getting stronger by the day, like a toddler going to day care. No need for the flu jab every year if you would just eat with your hands all the time! Look, I'm no doctor, but it seems legit to me.

Is it just me or has there been a massive shift in social norms in the last five years?

We are much more accepting (thank god) of whatever gender/sexual orientation/fashion sense/opinions you currently have.

So why can't we just get that decaf coconut/almond milk green tea chai latte in a bowl and immediately faceplant our tongues and noses in to it and slurp it like the last bit of a Traffic Light through a straw at Cobb 'n' Co like we all did as kids?

If someone tells you to stop (like your parents did), flip them the bird and slurp louder you free thinking hose-faced coffee lover! Go you!

I dare you, just once before the year ends to do something along the lines of what my 14-month-old nephew Luca did when I was in Wellington last week ... get a fluffy and drink it purely via your hands! Get your mitts in and lick it off your fingers.

Make your hand the bowl, spill it on your friends/family/self and care not a jot about what other people think.
What have you got to lose, apart from your dignity? And who needs dignity anymore.

Will Johnston is host of The Hits 95FM Day Show. Live and local from 9am-3pm, every weekday in the Bay of Plenty.