It dawned on me last week while I was sipping on a strong cocktail, sunning myself on a double size pool bed next to a clear blue infinity pool, 50 metres away from the ocean, on a golden sand island that I could walk around in eight minutes just off the coast of the Fijian mainland, that I live a privileged life.
I'm not ashamed of that — I'm stoked about it. I work hard.
Other people's holiday stories and pics are laborious things to get through though aren't they?
The first few you see on Instagram are fine. Said holidaymaker looks cooler and more chilled out than they do in real life, their 'best life' for sure.
There's a scenic vista, a filter (which gets heavier with age I heard), a cocktail or some local beer, and there's not a lot of clothing.
As I lay on that pool bed I try my hardest to not laugh out loud (I'm not cool enough/young enough to use 'lol') ... #boyfriendsofinstagram were out in force!
There was even one guy who went around the pool asking people to move to the side so he could get the right pics of his partner posing in that quintessential on-the-side-of-an-infinity-pool-with-a-cocktail pose.
She was in some sort of bikini. I say that because it looked a little like someone had just got a climbing net and chucked it on her. She also had glitter all round her eyes.
But each to their own. Go them if that's their bag. He took pics of her for a solid 10 minutes while everyone waited. It was awkward.
If you think it's just the girls that want those pics, you'd be wrong. There were three Italian guys in their 20s who did the same thing, basically (minus the glitter and rope bikini), each having a go on the side of the pool posing for the camera. They even put up a drone at one stage!
It was at this point I decided that I would do two things.
1. Get a pic of me in as a relaxed state as I possibly could without the help of another human and not bothering or inconveniencing anyone else during that process.
2. Get a pic that showed the real version of what real people look like when they do yoga/artsy pics on a beach on a tropical island.
So for number 1 I selfied while I was lying on the bed. The pic you see is the result. I thought this would describe the state I was in. Relaxed and sunny and 'I hope that white guy is wearing suncreen'.
Number 2 I like to call Downed God. It's me doing the downward dog yoga pose with a coconut cocktail on my back, on a tropical island beach in the sun. It's called Downed God because I had downed too many of said cocktails to actually be able to pronounce dog.
I think it came out well.
• Will Johnston is the local 9am-3pm host for The Hits Bay of Plenty 95FM. He's also a celebrant and MC