Yvonne Lorkin: The review must get through

Hotel rooms are for relaxing, not working - um, hang on, I need to tell you about the wines I tried!

After sleepless nights and cups of bad hotel coffee, here’s my column

The perpetually snarling, Glock-toting, sunglasses-at-night-wearing ex-gangsta rapper turned actor turned director Ice Cube once wrote: "Today I didn't even have to use my AK47. I gotta say it was a good day."

I totally felt just like my homie Ice did last Saturday (actually we've never met, so it's not accurate to call him a chum, but he's one of those people I daydream about sitting next to on a plane and finding that we get on like a house on fire; this is because I'd be so refreshingly normal and not star-struck and he'd be fascinated at the comparative similarities of my life as a Hastings housewife to his tales of being a "nappy head" growing up on the mean streets of LA's South Central, Long Beach, Compton and Watts) when (to accompany a marathon of MySkyed fishing shows), behind the box of All-Bran that no one ever eats, I found a long-lost packet of salt and vinegar chips to go with the six-pack of Monteiths Original I'd bought on special for $11 at Countdown.

I felt like that on Sunday when my husband and I managed to move all the furniture out of the house, pull up and dispose of the manky, 1980s carpet and prehistoric lino AND sand and repaint all the skirting boards without swearing at each other once.

I felt just like that on Monday when the carpet-laying job that was supposed to take two days was finished in one and it looked really snazzy. I even felt like that on Tuesday when the plane I was flying in from Napier to Auckland ended up parking smack in front of the regional terminal entrance as opposed to the usual Gate 47, which is miles away and a dreadfully tedious trek when you've been wearing stupid shoes all day as, inevitably, I have, because I never learn.

I was hoping to feel that way last Wednesday, but sadly it wasn't to be. Wide awake at 3.11am (thanks to having a hotel room next to to a honkingly huge air conditioning extractor outlet that whirred and thumped like the world's largest and loudest clothes drier all night), things did not bode well. I'm also completely useless with hotel beds. Even if the sheets have a thread-count in the thousands and there are 18 fluffy, decorative, "scatter" cushions, they're never comfortable enough to induce anything resembling sleep.

Then the realisation hit that I was supposed to have my column finished the day before. At my age I should know and trust this basic rule, that when things are going well and all is happy and bright, I've inevitably forgotten something major.

So there was only one thing for it. To empty seven of those gag-inducing Cafe de Sol "Supreme Blend" sachets into a jug with all six pottles of oily UHT milk from the minibar fridge and get cracking telling you about the wines I've tasted this week.

Sips of the week

Campo Viejo Tempranillo 2011 — $14

This is a stunningly good value-for-money, saucy, Spanish red that bursts with berry fruit, cherry and cocoa characters, stitched together with delicious spice and notes. It's easy to drink, smooth and velvety, with warm, dusty tannins - it's definitely a new favourite for me.

centrecity.co.nz

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Queensberry Central Otago Chenin Blanc 2014 — $23

The "Queensberry" wine district is being promoted by Diana and Dean Harker, who set up a vineyard, restaurant, cellar door and garden complex on Queensberry Ridges Station on the Cromwell-Wanaka Highway in 2008. The complex is called "Lazy Dog" and the Queensberry region has four vineyard sites. This snappy chenin blanc is made by Jeff Sinnott (of Ostler Vineyard fame) at Maude's winery and shows aromas of green apple, white peach and pear.

There's a squeak of sweetness to accentuate the stonefruit flavours and a nice, textural phenolic layer on the finish. To purchase email info@lazydog.co.nz.

Villa Maria Private Bin 'Light' Sauvignon Blanc 2014 — $15

This wine makes promises on the nose that it doesn't deliver on the palate. The bright aromas of passionfruit and sweet lemon-lime dissolve into something sadly more lean and watery than fruit-soaked and tasty, which is what I actually want in a sauvignon blanc, so it's not a wine I'll be hanging out to try again anytime soon. Widely available.

Tinpot Hut Marlborough Pinot Noir 2012 — $24

Despite the light colour, this pinot doesn't cut corners on flavour. Bright raspberry, strawberry, cranberry and cherry characters lead to vibrant, spicy, oak complexity and a rich, satisfying finish. All-in-all, it's an incredibly drinkable, wine that could easily become a best friend. www.tinpothut.co.nz