Shared interests go a long way

Relationships can be hard work and many fizzle out but a Mount Maunganui couple have proved a loving marriage can last the test of time.

Dorothy (known as Joyce) and Eric McGarva are due to celebrate their 70th wedding anniversary this Sunday, which a local relationship expert said was a fantastic feat.

Les Simmonds of Relationships Aotearoa had a number of tips for couples seeking a long, happy union. His main piece of advice was to have a shared interest.

"That's common sense really. If one person is doing one thing and the other is away doing something else, how do these people meet and what do they talk about?" he said.

"Of course each person in the relationship still needs to do their own thing but it's extremely important for couples to have shared interests, maybe even the same political views and similar values."

Mr Simmonds spoke about a relationship being two circles that overlapped at the centre. He said people did best if they had their own individual lives but were able to come together and complement each other.

Honesty and trust were essential.

"If people can be honest and vulnerable with each other then they can sort out any problem. Most people are afraid to talk about the real stuff ... because they don't want to hurt the other person. These are the ghosts in a relationship."

Mr Simmonds said it was important for couples to understand where the other person was coming from when disagreements occurred, even if they didn't agree.

His final tip for a successful relationship was to work at the relationship and do special things for each other every day.

"Even if it's as simple as bringing them a cup of tea in the morning."