Rudeness way of life for many

Do we need a manners makeover? We talk to people in the service industry and find out what irks them.

Librarian Nikki Booth is serving a customer, explaining when a book's due back or how to make a reservation.
She's mid-sentence when the customer's cellphone rings. But instead of ignoring it or switching the phone to silent, the man answers and begins a conversation.
And to add further insult, he raises his hand at the librarian, who is left open-mouthed.
Meanwhile, the queue backs up as other customers wait for the man to finish his conversation.
Rude? Yes. Unusual? Unfortunately not, as Ms Booth regularly deals with such incidents in her job as Tauranga Library circulation team leader.
A librarian for 20 years, Ms Booth has witnessed a decline in manners over that time.
"People certainly aren't as courteous as they used to be.
"People are a lot more impatient, because time seems to be a lot more precious now than it was when I first started. They are rushing or needing to get somewhere.
"People's expectations are a lot higher."
And she's not the only one to notice. From ringing cellphones at the movies, pushing in front of others, loud swearing and a distinct lack of "Ps and Qs", it seems bad manners are on the rise.
We've all been the victim of the impolite, whether it's a friend texting while in our company or another driver cutting you off.
But those who regularly deal with the public are the ones who bear the brunt of rudeness.
Stacey Handley, manager of Supre in Tauranga, said some customers treated shop staff like "their slaves".
A simple "please" and "thank you" was lacking from many people, who did not ask politely for help or say "excuse me".
Other rude customers walked around the shop with their phones blaring music or removed clothing from the rack and threw it down.
And as in the library incident, customers often talked on their cellphone or texted while being served.
"Some people wear iPods and come to the counter and leave them in while you are trying to serve them," Ms Handley said.
By contrast, the ideal customer treated staff "with respect".
"It goes a long way, it definitely makes you feel a lot better and you are more likely to go the extra mile for them.
"When we go into other shops we are really nice, because we know what it feels like."
A Tauranga receptionist and telephonist says standards have definitely dropped during the past two decades.
The woman, who works at a major Tauranga employer, says people are far ruder over the telephone, when they can be anonymous, than in person.
"Some people don't introduce themselves, they don't even say their name.
"It's appalling manners. I'd get sacked if I spoke like that on the phone.
"It's their tone of voice - they really vent at me. It's like the receptionist has ownership for everything, like I personally did it."
Bad phone manners were just as common in older people as in the young, she said. But the older generation tended to be more polite in person.
"The old people are so grateful for any help or assistance.
"It's a pleasure to find a young person with good manners. It really makes you feel much better.
"It's just a please, a thank you, look me in the eye, take your sunglasses off, and take your cap off. It's the respect."
Tauranga City Council call centre operators get some thorny phone calls, with people most hot under the collar about rates and other fees, dogs, parking, berms and buses.
And while staff report 99 per cent of customers are "lovely" - not bad considering they get 1000 calls a day - dealing with rudeness is practically part of the job description.
Shouting, swearing, aggressive behaviour and drunken phone calls can be all in a day's work, says Alison Clifford, the council's group communication adviser for customer and environmental services.
"We do find it particularly upsetting when customers shout or swear.
"If this happens and we can't calm the customer down, our process is to warn them that we will hang up if they continue, and then hang up if there is no change in behaviour," Mrs Clifford said.
"This doesn't always deter some customers - some have been known to keep calling and abusing different call centre staff members."
Happily, some of these customers do redeem themselves. In many cases, people who have been rude call back later to apologise.
"Most of the time if a customer is rude, they're not actually angry with us - they just need to take their frustration out on someone and the call centre is usually in the firing line," Mrs Clifford said.
Common courtesy goes a long way in most situations, including at the gym.
Lisa Chan, owner of The Gym Tauranga, said etiquette was an issue when people were working out.
"It's things like wiping down the machines after you've used them and wearing deodorant. I know it sounds silly, but it's amazing how many people forget.
"It's about putting our equipment back when you are finished and unloading machines.
"A lot of guys will load it up with weights and leave them on and the females will have to take them off."
A time limit on using machines during peak times aimed to combat the issues of people "hogging" them.
The gym has a code of conduct to try and avoid such problems, but sometimes staff had to speak to individuals.
"Most of the people are really good when you mention things to them."
So what can be done to salvage the civility which is slipping away from society?
"In America, parents are fighting the wave of rudeness by sending their children to etiquette schools, saying good manners can affect a child's future.
Jenny Griggs, acting principal at Papamoa's Tahatai Coast School, believes that's a step too far.
She says etiquette lessons are "a bit of a cop-out".
"Part of the role of being a parent is to bring their child up - you would expect a parent to teach a child basic good manners. Citizenship is being a good citizen in the community."
Mrs Griggs, who has been teaching for more than 40 years, has seen a decline in manners among children over that time.
And she blames an increase in outside influences, as well as busy parents, for the problem.
"Forty years ago, they didn't have the same amount of outside influence.
"The children of today have more influences that affect the way they think they can react to people."
Levels of respect among people have always varied, she says, and they still do. Some children at school are "the most well-mannered you could ever wish to meet".
And she believes that children without manners are simply parroting behaviour they see at home.
"I can think of some extreme students in school over a number of years.
"Their reactions are absolute clones of the way their parents reacted when we have to speak to them about an issue.
"I believe that if you give respect, you receive respect.
"Some children are now being brought up in homes where respect is not there.
"It's very difficult to expect students to demonstrate respect without it being shown to them and being taught to them."
Her own pet peeves are "getting a yep and a nah", and not getting an appropriate response to niceties such as "how are you?" and "I hope you have a good day".
Children using swear words is also a far greater problem today.
"That's definitely been influenced by what they are hearing in that outside world, that we [schools] have absolutely no control over."
But Mrs Griggs believes it's easy to teach manners to children and it's not too late.
"Respect can be taught, manners can be taught," she says.
"To say children are coming into school with a poor command of manners doesn't mean to say we shouldn't be doing something about it to make it better.
"We have got to break that cycle to bring it back."
SIMPLE COURTESIES
- Saying please and thank you.
- Holding doors open.
- A wave when a driver lets you into traffic or stops on a pedestrian crossing.
- Turn off cellphone at the movies or theatre.
- Don't text or answer calls when talking to someone in person.
- Send thank you notes.
- Speak to and treat others how you would like to be spoken to and treated.
- Saying pardon instead of "what?"
- Don't ring someone before 7am or after 9pm.
- Be on time - plan to be early to avoid being late.
TOP PEEVES:

- Swearing in public.
- Talking loudly on cellphones.
- Littering.
- Road rage.
- People who are always late.
TIPS FOR PARENTS

- Ban electronics from the dinner table.
- Practise good table manners.
- Use proper phone manners.
- Teach them how to make a good first impression by standing making eye contact and shaking hands.