Loving life, bag and all

Navigating your way through the protocols of dating is daunting enough when butterflies in your stomach and a bad hair day are your sole bodily worries.
But on what date do you tell the man of the moment that you have an ileostomy bag?
It was quite a pickle when Michelle Mulgrew met the man of her dreams not long after being told she had ulcerative colitis - a diagnosis that meant surgeons needed to stitch the end of her small intestine to the outer skin of her abdomen and attach a bag that would catch her stomach's waste.
"At what point do you say 'actually there's something I have to tell you'?" Michelle says.
But after much discussion with her colleagues at Beach Vets in Waihi, the 34-year-old decided it was a discussion best saved for the fourth date.
"I had no idea how he was going to take it. He had no idea because he couldn't physically tell. I thought 'is he going to run for the hills'."
Having worried the poor boy sick by telling him there was something he needed to know, they were both relieved when he said "oh, is that all".
"He had a friend whose sister had one because she had bowel cancer at quite a young age," Michelle says.
Their relationship didn't have the most conventional first few months, though.
Knowing she wanted children, Michelle was told that ideally she should have fallen pregnant two years ago.
She needed further surgery, but it's surgery that comes at the risk of scarring her fallopian tubes and making conception difficult.
"So I've only been with this guy for six weeks and my doctor is asking me 'is he the one'."
But knowing what they wanted, the couple decided to marry.
But even then they were told that if they weren't pregnant before the wedding they would have to start IVF.
They conceived on their honeymoon in March.
The pregnancy comes with an increased risk because of the chance of Michelle's uterus pressing on the illeostomy bag as the baby grows.
She has already had to spend a night in hospital because of an intestinal blockage caused by a piece of apple.
She's no stranger to the wards though, with plenty of hospital visits since she first had symptoms in January 2007.
It was incredibly bad timing with the symptoms - bloody diarrhoea and the constant need to "go" - kicking in on New Year's Eve when a group of friends had taken three boats out on the water.
There was one toilet between them and Michelle and her brother, who also has ulcerative colitis, were fighting each other for their turn.
"It was hideous," she says
With her veterinary experience, Michelle was hoping she had giardia and even made her doctor test for it once back on land.
"It was negative."
She was lucky her brother had a specialist he could refer her to so that treatment was rapid - she was seen within three weeks.
"That's pretty quick for the public health system," she says.
But medication didn't work and the ulcers continued to worsen, making her so sick she was admitted for acute surgery.
Being told she would need a bag was hard, but Michelle was helped by a line she remembered the words of Tauranga amputee Tony Christiansen during a motivational speech she once went to.
"He said 'if having my legs cut off is the worst thing that ever happens to me then I've had a really good life'."
Whenever she was feeling down about the prognosis, Michelle would take the elevator up to the cancer ward.
"I wouldn't have to get off. It just made me say to myself 'what are you worried about'."
Still, she wishes during that time there had been more awareness of conditions like hers. "No one talks about these things," she said.
"You think about it being an older person's problem but the girl I was sharing a ward with was 15 and I spoke to a young guy who was 17 and had just got a bag. It's scary because no one talks about it.
"I was thinking I'm not going to be able to wear my jeans, I'm not going to be able to do anything."
The reality, once Michelle had got used to her bag, was nowhere near as bad as she imagined though.
"I had an initial couple of freak-out sessions but then I realised the bag was giving me back the control.
"I just had to buy a one piece swimsuit instead of a bikini and make sure I got a decent handbag to carry all my supplies in.
"It hasn't stopped me doing anything.
"I snowboard with it and I fall flat on it. I can dive with it, I just have to empty my bag before I get in the water.
"I can go on a boat without a toilet now. I've learnt to surf since I've had it. It doesn't affect me in any way.
"I wouldn't have been able to go ice-climbing if I'd been worrying about going to the toilet all the time.
"It's actually not that bad."
5 TIPS FOR A HEALTHY BOWEL
From Sarah Elliot, an immunology dietician at Wellington Hospital and private dietician at "Food Savvy".
Eat good amounts of soluble fibre (like oats, fruit and legumes) and insoluble fibre (such as grainy breads and cereals).
Eat only moderate amounts of fat as it makes food travel faster.
If you are having bowel problems ie. diarrhoea, avoid spicy food, alcohol and coffee.
Develop good "eating practices". Eat regularly, eat slowly and don't eat big portions as it could cause you take in more gas.
Sarah advises people with bowel problems to avoid foods that contain fermentable sugars. Some of these foods are onion, garlic, honey, apples and large amounts of wheat and rye.