In the name of love

You're living together. You're at a function and you're about to introduce your, er, partner? Boyfriend? Lover? Ellen Irvine and Julie Jacobson look at the tricky question of what to call a non-platonic person of the opposite sex.
Partner, boyfriend, ladyfriend or lover. It's a modern-day conundrum - what do you call your other half?
In the past, it was simple. Couples in a committed relationship who lived together were married, and the title of husband or wife followed.
Today, that's not always the case. And finding the right moniker is difficult, when "girlfriend" might seem too casual, "partner" too officious and "lover" too sexy.
Other terms we've heard are "other half", "companion", "beau", "significant other", or even the clinical "spousal equivalent" or "de facto". Then there are the pet names - "pumpkin", "sweetie", "Goldenballs" (the last being the nickname Victoria Beckham gave to hubby David).
Actor Richard Burton called long-time love Elizabeth Taylor, who died in March, "my lumps"; she called him "Hubs".
Trying to pay respect with it
Creative Tauranga chief executive Tracey Rudduck-Gudsell knows the territory well, having been with husband Phill for seven years before tying the knot last year.
During that time she settled on "partner", feeling that "boyfriend" did not reflect the commitment of their relationship.
"When you do that 'boyfriend' thing, at my age people think he's probably temporary - partner sounds a lot more permanent," she said. "It's one of those funny ones; it's a hard word to find.
"I've got a girlfriend who introduces her partner as her lover - everybody goes 'whoah!'."
The term "partner" was not without its pitfalls, as occasionally it was interpreted as referring to a same-sex couple. "Years ago when I was in business with another girl, now and then you would get the odd look, like 'so are they business partners or life partners?"' Mrs Rudduck-Gudsell says.
"Sometimes you can just innocently say things to lead people to think you might be a same-sex couple."
In social situations, she often preferred to introduce Phill by his name, linking arms to indicate their relationship.
"It's trying to pay respect with it when you introduce that person. That's probably always been foremost with me; that I introduce that person in my life respectfully. It is a hard one."
Now, the newlyweds - who also call each other "babe" - enjoy referring to each other as Mr and Mrs Gudsell, eliminating the issue.
The "unromantic" label

Rowland de Bruin has been calling Cheryl Nesbit his "wife" for some 26 years, despite the fact the couple only married last year. Engaged in 1982, when Cheryl was just 18, the pair spent the next decade doing their OE, travelling and working throughout Europe. Returning to New Zealand - and friends with houses and children - the couple decided to knuckle down and start saving. They established their own business and had two children.
During that time, Cheryl called Rowland her partner. Since marrying, however, she now refers to him as her husband. His pet name for her is "babe"; he gets called "darl". "Wally-Joe" is used by both whenever one or the other "does something stupid".
Tauranga woman Katherine Hoby refers to Rangi Taueki as her partner, but she isn't thrilled about the "unromantic" label.
"It's a tricky one for me. I think there is something about boyfriend that is a bit high-school, but I'm not sure how I feel about the word partner.
"It's not so much the business-partner connotation, it's more that's it's not very romantic. But what do you say?
"I think there's a lot more light-hearted funny ones that guys can use, like 'the other half', or 'the old ball and chain'."
Miss Hoby says although she doesn't particularly like either "partner" or "boyfriend", she chooses "partner".
"It starts to slip into conversation - 'my partner and I'. I guess that's what I use."
Other alternatives, such as "beau" or "sweetheart", seemed old-fashioned, she says.
Partner rather than fiance
With a seven-year age difference - he's 34, she's 27 - one Tauranga pair, who asked not to be named, have run the nomenclature gamut. When they met four years ago, he referred to her as his "partner" - "because he's older, girlfriend sounded a bit childish" - while she called him her "boyfriend". Ten months later, after moving in together, he became her "partner" as well. That was until they became engaged and he became "my fiance". Now married, they are "my husband" and "my wife".
Jodi Tipping is engaged to her partner of a decade, Dave MacFarlane, but she prefers to refer to him as her "partner" rather than fiance.
"He still is my partner," she says, although after they're married she plans to use "husband".
The couple, who own IT consultancy and web design firm Cucumber, are also business partners. And Ms Tipping admits that sometimes she has to clarify. "There's often explanation needed; people often asks what partner means, if it's your life partner or business partner."
"Boyfriend" is never an option, she says. "Possibly when you are in a relationship when you are younger, [but] I'm not 21. We are partners."
Love later in life

And what about those relationships which start later in life? Is "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" appropriate when you are 60-plus?
Rosa Wallace, manager Melrose Lifestyle Care & Village, says it's lovely when people find romance in their old age. And many of them try to avoid the issue altogether by simply referring to their other half by name.
"I've never heard any of them saying 'my partner'," Mrs Wallace says. "I have heard 'love' or 'dear'.
"One of our resident couples are not married, and he always just talks about her by her name, and has never said 'my partner'. I didn't know they were not married until I found out later."
Sometimes, Mrs Wallace says, even calling their loved one by name is a problem.
"We had a lady who was 96, and she had got very attached to a gentleman of 75. Unfortunately, she called him her late husband's name."
What did you call me? Naming rights (and wrongs)
The Mrs - No: Unless you're okay with being called The Mr.
My man - Maybe: Does sound a bit twee, but could work in certain romantic situations.
Other half - No: Infers you're not a whole person.
Hun - No: Leave this one to the shop assistants.
My lover - Yes: We like a bit of intrigue.
Sweetcheeks - Maybe: Makes it sounds like there's something secret going on.
My husband/wife - Yes: If you're under 30 (how cool is that?) or over 60.
My partner - Yes: Equal rights and all that.
Babe - Maybe: See main story, but didn't they make a film about a pig called this?
Their actual name - Yes: Who says you have to explain a relationship all the time?