Easing dangers of divorce for kids

Kids caught in the crossfire of their parents' breakup are in danger of suffering an emotional explosion as teenagers, a Tauranga teacher has warned.
Julie Guest, organiser of a Tauranga course aimed to help children deal with the heartache of divorce, said without the right support a child was like a "ticking bomb".
Parents might think their children were coping, but their young minds could be struggling to make sense of why mum and dad had parted, Mrs Guest said.
"People might say 'my child is fine, they are coping beautifully'. Those children have not worked through those issues. When they hit teenage years those issues are still there - that whole loss of stability, loss of certainty. All of those things come to the fore. It's a ticking bomb ready to explode.
"If they manage to get through the teenage years, and I think that's very seldom, then it hits when they become parents themselves. It doesn't go away. If it's not dealt with it will affect one part of their life."
She said in extreme cases children may become aggressive, quit school and even turn to drugs and alcohol.
Divorce Care for Kids is being run at Tauranga's Holy Trinity Church. A team of adults overseeing the weekly sessions includes an 18-year-old Tauranga student in her final year at school. Tauranga is one of only three centres in New Zealand to stage the pioneering course.
Over 13 weeks, the course is broken down into topics combining games, crafts, activities and DVD real life stories.
Food also plays a part with children shown how to make snacks to encourage confidence and basic responsibility.
The emphasis is creating a fun atmosphere where children feel comfortable and accepted. Each parent receives a weekly "parent page" describing what their child has learned and offering tips to strengthen the parent/child relationship.
The course is non-denominational and contains adapted biblical teachings to help children recover from the hurt of separation and divorce.
Tauranga clinical psychologist Dianne Lees said the course would enable children to learn coping strategies and life skills for managing tough times. "Children are often the silent victims of separation and divorce. They don't always have a voice."
Children could suffer when caught up in bickering between parents, said Mrs Lees from the Bay Plenty District Health Board's child and adolescent mental health services. "Some children find they become the mediators and the messengers between parents. The responsibility they are given around that is for some children overwhelming and inappropriate. They cannot process parents' poison."
Holy Trinity vicar Paul Williamson said the course followed other successful initiatives the church had run, including divorce care for adults and a marriage course. "Parents will find that the reward is that the children will be in a better space."
Divorce Care for Kids is aimed for 5-12 year-olds. The course starts tomorrow. For more contact Holy Trinity on 578 7718 or register at: www.holytrinitytauranga.com.