KEY POINTS:
It was just after midday when we finally secured the rental car from a yard near Venice Beach. The plan for me and my fellow backpackers was to drive across the States to New York.
There were four of us blokes from New Zealand plus one Australian who we'd befriended. He turned out to be a dickhead, so we left him behind in Anaheim while he was still sleeping in the motel we had rented. It was agreed during a secret Kiwi-only vote that he should pick up all the charges.
The miniatures we raided from the fridge lasted almost a week.
Our first stop was Disneyland, which we all found unremarkable as the best rides were queued out. We settled for the less popular attractions like the spinning teacups.
Onwards we travelled towards the Grand Canyon. It took us forever to find, and when we did find it (you may well ask, how could you miss it?) we stayed long enough for a quick round of photos.
Our next leg took us to downtown Dallas, for we were young, foolish men on a mission. We wanted Texan haircuts, which we got for $5 a head. So to speak.
Albuquerque was where our troubles started. We lost the keys to our fine vehicle.
We eventually found them after dismantling most of the interior of the car, for we had guessed correctly that the keys had been flung on to the dash and continued in this fashion down into the inner workings. Reassembling the car was an issue, so to speed up our progress we binned what we couldn't reinstall.
Consequently, while the car started OK, none of the dials worked any more - so we had to drive blind, as it were. When we got to St Louis, we took a wrong turn and were suddenly accosted by skilful street vendors wanting to sell our hubcaps back to us. Given that parts of the car were already residing in another state, we voted to keep moving and sped towards New York.
New York is simply amazing. You've heard all the cliches. Here's a popular one: we got mugged on our first night out, walking down one of the city's heavily pedestrianised main roads. We were completely surrounded, the muggers pointed what looked like a gun at us, took our money and wished us all the best on our travels, which I thought was a nice touch. Who says New Yorkers aren't friendly?
The car was returned to the rental firm and, quite rightly, they refused to rent another car to us. In fact, they threatened to sue us. We promptly flew back to New Zealand and our mummies.