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'World's worst driver' for sale: 'It's crap'

Fancy buying a golf driver for $8.50 with a sweet spot which "is in pretty good condition, no marks or blemishes, in fact, it's never been hit"?. Photo / Trademe.
Fancy buying a golf driver for $8.50 with a sweet spot which "is in pretty good condition, no marks or blemishes, in fact, it's never been hit"?. Photo / Trademe.

Fancy buying a golf driver for $8.50 with a sweet spot which "is in pretty good condition, no marks or blemishes, in fact, it's never been hit"?

Such a treasure has been listed on trademe.co.nz by a disaffected Tauranga-based golfer who goes by the moniker 'nzane'.

There's no love lost between the owner and the club; nzane has unleashed a volley of vitriol in his sales pitch.

"I have tried to hit this thing for a year, and still can't get it anywhere near the fairway," he wrote. "I actually do hit fairways, it seems every time I swing the club I am yelling 'fore' at the group of members two fairways over.

"This driver has failed to get me past the ladies tee on 13 occasions. This driver goes left when I want it to go right and right when I want it to go straight. This driver doesn't go down the middle, ever.

"I get fired up thinking about all the rounds that have been ruined by this driver. I have been mocked and laughed at by my mates for too long. It's not just them. Little kids, senior citizens and golf pros all point and laugh when I tee off with this club."

When nzane unsheathes the driver from his bag, he fears for his mates.

"They run and hide behind trees, it can spray 360 degrees from the tee. Now I use an iron and get teased and it really hurts my feelings...

"I have had dozens of homeowners storm out... after this driver crashes balls into the sides of houses.

"I often tried to trick it by aiming way left so that the ball faded around onto the fairway... But NO... if you aim left... this driver goes sweet as and will fly as straight as ever - into a tree trunk."

While the owner raved about the untouched sweet spot he lamented "unfortunately the top, bottom and hossel [sic] have probably all had contact with the ball..."

Naturally such a potential bargain came with a robust series of questions and answers.
One asked whether the owner would consider trading the offending club for a pair of ladies golf shoes.

The response declined this and suggested he was hoping to use the sales "to buy a few more balls to replace the 150 I've lost because of this driver".

Another potential buyer asked: "I'm looking to reduce the distance on my tee shots - will this driver help me do that?

The owner replied: "Definitely, you get a modest distance from a (nearly impossible) straight shot... except a slice or hook, those will travel even further than you or your playing partners could ever imagine was possible."

One dag suggested a spot of Freudian theory might be in order: "Would you consider a trade for a mirror? Sounds like there is some more deep-seated issues going on."

"Thanks," nzane responded, "but I've had a good look in the mirror and given myself a few uppercuts, then realised it's not my fault at all, it's just the driver is crap."

The latest bid sits at $8. The auction has 19 current watchers and closes on Thursday.

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