If we did cast a critical eye on the rest of the nation we might say that most of it is boring, small and depressing. But we don't. It's their right to be dull. When it comes to the rest of the country Aucklanders have a live-and-let-die attitude.
This recent cold snap brought out the worst in our southern cousins. Every time an Aucklander mentioned they were cold a Dunedinite chimed in with "Shut up you pussy, you don't know what cold is". A Cantabrian sniped "8C? Why don't you cry about it?" and a Wellingtonian yelped "Call that a wind chill factor?".
Even the MetService app mocked us. Queenstown was -5C and the app suggested four layers of clothing. Auckland was 5C and it also suggested four layers of clothing. The implication was clear: "Aucklanders are soft".
I grew up in Dunedin. It was bone-chillingly cold a lot of the time. My childhood featured a lot of black ice, hotties and thermal underwear. When I first moved to Auckland I wore T-shirts all winter. I didn't own a jacket for three years. I was sweating in June, sunbathing in July and still swimming on the North Shore in August. But slowly I got used to it. Now I feel pain at 12C that I used to feel at 2C back home. I have become an Auckland pussy and couldn't be happier. Not being able to handle Dunedin's cold or Wellington's wind chill is something to be proud of.
Southerners would have us believe they actually like the cold. But are they really proud of it? Of course not. People live in Dunedin because it's a beautiful city, with cheap houses and great people. Students go there because it's a long way from their Auckland parents.
I still support the Highlanders 100 per cent. What a game against the Waratahs. They're going to take it all the way for the first time ever. Ben Smith for PM. I'm so grateful the city bankrupted itself so my team could play indoors out of the weather.
No one can deny Dunedin is horribly cold a lot of the time. If the place was warm like Auckland it would have 15 times the population it does. The truth is we Dunedinites hate the cold as much as Aucklanders do. Probably more. When a Southerner says "Aucklanders can't handle the cold" it's an own goal. No one wants to handle your cold.
Not that Auckland weather is amazing. Visitors from Southern California are shocked and disgusted with how often it rains. Pakistanis dealing with 50C heatwaves would laugh at Invercargill's assertions that we have it wussily warm.
"Auckland-shaming" is rife in the regions. They hassle our traffic jams and property prices. They call us wimps because we have a subtropical climate. But traffic means people are out and about doing things and high property prices mean people really want to live here. If the country hates Auckland so much why do New Zealanders move here at the rate of a whole chilly Timaru a year?
Next time you are cold-shamed by a Southerner, laugh in their frostbitten face. Auckland is New Zealand's sexy, scantily clad, good-time party city.
Those south of the Bombays can say what they want but before too long they all come knocking on our door.
