Chris laughed out loud when he found this sign on a hand dryer in a Warkworth bathroom.
Whispering sweet nothing
This year's winners of the Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest include these wonderful paragraphs from the romance section:
"I'll never get over him," she said to herself, and the truth of that statement settled into her brain the way glitter settles on to a plastic landscape in a Christmas snow globe when she accepted the fact that she was trapped in bed between her half-tonne boyfriend and the wall when he rolled over on to her nightgown and passed out, leaving her no way to climb out.
(by Karen Hamilton, Seabrook, Texas)
"Your eyes are like deep blue pools that I would like to drown in," he had told Kimberly when she had asked him what he was thinking; but what he was actually thinking was that sometimes when he recharges his phone he forgets to put the little plug back in but he wasn't going to tell her that.
(by Dan Leyde, Edmonds, Washington)
Cashing in on your best assets
In her documentary, What's My Body Worth?, Storm Theunissen found her hair was worth only £50 ($97) - even though the resulting wig would be sold for £1000, and her best drug-testing offer was £50 for some skin cells if she had psoriasis. Her most valuable sale item was eggs. "It's a fiercely competitive industry, egg-selling, and only the best-looking and most intelligent women get top dollar - up to $15,000," she writes in the Guardian. "Unfortunately, because I'm 32 years old, I was told my eggs aren't worth much and I'd 'only' receive $5500. As I was handed a giant box of hormones with which to inject myself, I came to a realisation that perhaps the price wasn't worth it."
Look south for real bargains
"Reader Michael Bennett need not look overseas, or even out of Auckland, for comparisons to what the $850,000 for a 2-bedroom unit in Grey Lynn could buy," writes a reader. "For that money you could buy two four-bedroom units overlooking the Grange golf course [in Manurewa] and have enough left over to buy a brand-new boat, a brand-new Ford Territory to tow it and an all-expenses-paid trip to Europe for you and your wife for five weeks."