Sideswipe: Always carry a spare

"Is this the literal translation of a man's spare tyre?" asks Mark Dromgoole. "I thought I had been teleported to Thailand, but it was just Pt Chevalier."

Port-a-Loos galore

While media reports say Christchurch has exhausted the world's supply of chemical toilets, a reader says there were more than 80 for the 6500-strong crowd at the Roxy Music concert at Villa Maria on Sunday, and no queues. "VIPs used the 3-cubicle units - perfumed, with two sinks and running water." Maybe they're on their way to Christchurch now?

Not so affordable

A reader writes: "After seeing an ad in the paper for the Rugby World Cup, I'd like to know how "2 x semi-finals & the Final from $4495 + GST" is regarded as "the affordable way to secure your tickets"? If that's 'affordable', then I'm massively underpaid."

Increase your word power

Retox: To resume the consumption of alcohol, caffeine, and similar substances after a period of detoxification.

Oncallogist: A doctor who is frequently on call.

Manther: A middle-aged man who seeks sexual or romantic relationships with significantly younger women (a male equivalent for cougar). Source: WordSpy.com

Divvying up biscuits

Responses to our joke: A banker, a National MP and beneficiary are having morning tea with a plate of 12 biscuits. The banker takes 11 then leans over to the National MP and whispers, "Watch out for the beneficiary, she's after your biscuit". Joe reckoned a Labour MP would be no better at carving up the biscuits equitably and Mike thought the banker deserved all the biscuits because he worked 80 hours, but Dorothy says,"The joke about bankers conveniently overlooks the fact that bankers actually produce nothing (not even biscuits), they just manipulate other people's money. And I seriously doubt whether any of them work 80 hours a week - unless going to lap-dancing clubs counts as work."

Not even a few crumbs

For the last word on our baked-goods economic metaphor, Dave writes: "Iceland, in deep trouble, told the hard-working bankers to live with their free-market losses. The people of Iceland have biscuits now. Ireland, in deep trouble, told the hard-working bankers to open up their briefcases and let Ireland make good the bankers' free-market losses. Now even the working people of Ireland have no biscuits."