Steve Braunias' Secret Diary of Awaroa Inlet

Kiwis rallied to ensure the pristine Awaroa Inlet stayed in public hands. Photo / Supplied

Beach owner Michael Spackman: I was going through some old things to throw out and came across the private beach which I bought in 2008 for $1.92 million, and thought, "Yep, that can go."

Bayleys salesman Glenn Dick: It's really a do-up. There are three buildings - a one-room cabin, a basic converted woolshed, and an old fishing vessel.

Not much to look at but with a bit of spit and polish, and some tools from Mitre 10, you can build yourself what every Kiwi needs - a deck.

The property spans 800m on land only accessible by air or boat, so right there you're going to have to deal with RMA if you want to put in a nice driveway.

We're looking at offers of about $2m.

But if you're wanting to spend a little bit more on something truly special, then come and see our sales team and find out about our range of weatherboard homes on subdivided properties in Auckland.

Fred Te Miha, trustee of the Ngati Tama Manawhenua ki Te Tau Ihu Trust: The Government should buy it off the private owners and hand it back to the whanau, the families that lost that land originally through confiscation.

I have other grievances, too. Do you have all day?

Te Runanga o Ngati Toa Rangatira chairman Taku Parai: Why doesn't the Government simply put its hand up to help out the local hapu and iwi down there to help purchase it back for them?

I have other grievances, too. I stubbed my toe and it hurts.

Why doesn't the Government [etc etc]?

Givealittle campaign organiser Duane Major: We've set up a crowdsourcing campaign to buy the beach and give it back to the people of New Zealand.

Conservation Minister Maggie Barry: Yeah, good luck with that!

Duane Major: We've received seven pledges, totalling $6000.

Maggie Barry: Awww. LOL!

Duane Major: Spark has got on board with a $20,000 donation, and I've just had a message to call Gareth Morgan.

Gareth Morgan: I said, "Mate," I said, "have I got a deal for you! I'll talk out of my arse and nothing good will come of it."

Duane Major: He was true to his word. In the meantime, 15,000 donors have come forward, and we've managed to raise $1.2m.

Labour leader Andrew Little: The Government should dig deep, and top up the amount. It should also wrong many grievances and correct numerous social ills.

I have a list. It's not quite ready; the caucus have to vet it, and then it has to be approved by a special committee devoted to expunging any traces of socialism.

Maggie Barry: The Government refuses to commit itself. It's just sand, for God's sake.

Duane Major: We now have over 30,000 pledges.

Maggie Barry: Did he just say they've got over 30,000 pledges?

John Key: Yes. Yes, he did.

Maggie Barry: The Government is pleased to announce we will contribute $350,000 towards preserving this valuable and cherished jewel in the crown of our conservation heritage.

Duane Major: We've done it! We've raised the $2m! I'd like to thank everyone who -

Maggie Barry: The Government is pleased to announce that our contribution was crucial in helping the appeal get over the line and buy the property for New Zealand.

Duane Major: Thank you, New Zealand! You -

Maggie Barry: The Government always believed the beautiful Awaroa Inlet in the Bay of Islands should be given back to the people of New Zealand, who the Government will always listen to, and understand, and serve.

Duane Major: Awaroa's actually in Abel Tasman.

Maggie Barry: What?