Mike's wife saw an advert for free fill and, knowing he needed to finish a small retaining wall, thought she'd give him a hurry-up. When the delivery guy rang and asked how much they wanted, she got it a bit wrong. Says Mike: "I only need a quarter of it. Anybody in Torbay need any free fill?"

Falling hard for a hostess

A pilot from Remuera writes: "Many years ago I was in command of a domestic flight to Dunedin. Our forecast prior to departure was for solid fog until late morning, therefore surplus fuel was uplifted - Dunedin airfield is in a valley surrounded by hills. We made two instrument approaches to land, without success. I made an announcement to the passengers that due to fog, we would return to our departure airfield. As soon as that announcement was made, the cockpit door burst open and a hostess entered nearly in tears and explained that her long-distance boyfriend was driving all the way up from Invercargill just to see her during our brief 20-minute stopover. All right then, we will try one more time. We were on this instrument approach and had reached our minimum altitude of 200ft (61m) with no sign of the runway. I was about to call go-around to the crew when a hole suddenly appeared in the fog and there was the runway dead ahead. We touched down but as our speed was slightly higher due to our last-minute descent, we skipped and became airborne ever so slightly. So, when we touched down once more, the anti-skid operated and we unfortunately blew all four tyres! Suddenly the young hostess burst into the cockpit once more and exclaimed, 'Gee, captain, I hope you did not do that just for my benefit.' Her nervous young man from Invercargill was so upset that he promptly proposed to her on the tarmac. My embarrassing tyre marks remained there long after I had retired."

This parsnip keeps repeating on me


A teacher writes: "My Year 2 class is learning about different foods and where they come from. I brought a whole lot of different vegetables to show them as part of our setting the scene. When I showed them a parsnip, they were very confused and did not know what it was. One of the boys mentioned it looked like a carrot but was the wrong colour. To give them a clue, I said it was similar to a carrot, like a cousin, but that it began with P. Quick as a flash, the boy cried out, 'I know what it is! It's a parrot!' Hmmmm, I think we still have some learning to do!"

Not a good fit

Mike James reckons someone ought to mention to the Shanghai Pengxin representative (One News, 6pm) that wearing a cap labelled "Milk New Zealand" might be misconstrued.