Shakti's Shila Nair says the four refuges for ethnic women are always full. Photo / Supplied

Shakti's Shila Nair says the four refuges for ethnic women are always full. Photo / Supplied

Jie Wang is referred to Shakti, the ethnic women's domestic violence support network, by police and Auckland Hospital staff.

Her upper arms and thighs are bruised from kicks. Wang reluctantly attends her appointment.

Wang, whose true identity is protected, does not want to go to a refuge because she fears for her 9-year-old son and wants his life to remain normal.

Nor will she allow the police to press charges against her husband because those at home in China will blame her for the violence and breakdown of her marriage. Her Chinese-born husband has threatened to kill her if she does not heed his demands.

Shila Nair of Shakti says women from Middle Eastern, Asian and African communities referred to her network often talk of death threats.

"Treating women badly is a cultural issue and a behavioural issue. These men have been taught to have privilege. They have seen violence or abuse perpetuated against their mothers and they accept it as normal."

Last year Shakti responded to more than 7000 women and children, many in "life-and-death" situations, says Nair.

With more than 600 calls a month, Shakti's four refuges are always full.

Auckland University professor Samson Tse, who has studied domestic violence in Asian families, found financial stress and employment difficulties led to "dysfunctional coping".

Men turned to controlling and violent behaviour, holding women in "unbelievable" circumstances -"almost torture".

Both husbands and wives feared they would lose face if the breakdown and abuse in their marriage became known, says Tse.

His study of 56 Asian immigrants, in the Social Policy Journal of New Zealand, quotes women saying they were ashamed to disclose family violence because it damaged their community and brought shame to their country, children and parents. It reports one young bride's wedding day warning from her father: "Only your dead body leaves this house."

In China, the tragic result of women suffering and making sacrifices is evident in the country's suicide statistics. The World Health Organisation estimates of the 1.5 million young Chinese mothers who attempt suicide every year 150,000 succeed - a number equivalent to the population of Chinese people in New Zealand.

To gain some understanding of the shame and loss of face that silences young Asian victims of violence I met Beijing's leading advocate for women.