O youth, youth! Wherefore art thou youth? Please come back to me. I promise to treat you better. I will care and attend to your every want and need.
I won't smoke, I'll drink only water and gallons of it, and I won't lie in the sun for hours covered in coconut oil. No, I'll slather myself in sun block every time I step out the door.
I'll get more rest, I'll exercise more, and I won't eat bad food.
Anything to get you back - if only it were that simple.
Ageing ... it's something, if we are lucky, that we all have to deal with. It's a sneaky character, creeping up on us day after day.
I actually had a good laugh about age this week when a colleague of mine said to me: "Linda I feel old today." I replied: "And just how old are you?"
The answer: "25."
I laughed and said, "Just you wait."
I've always thought that I would age gracefully. It's easy to think that when there's not a line on your face and not a grey hair in sight.
No, I thought to myself, "I won't be mutton dressed as lamb, I'd never have Botox, No. I would just take it as it comes." And I'm trying. I really am.
However, I do find myself looking for make-up that "hides fine lines". In fact I have discovered primer. I thought primer was just for painting houses but no, you can get this stuff that you put on under your makeup, so the top layer (the makeup) goes on smoother.
I also find that I'm spending more money on products that promise to make my skin look years younger.
When I was years younger I bought the cheapest stuff from the supermarket, mainly because I had better things to spend my money on, like children and groceries.
A few months ago I watched an interview on telly with Dr Bill Andrews PhD, a world leading biologist in telomere research. He has dedicated his life to discovering a way to stop ageing and he thinks he's found it.
According to the doctor people stop maturing at 24, From then on we age, so my colleague was right actually. She is getting old.
He reckons that eventually (and sooner rather than later) he will have a little pill that people can take to not only stop the ageing process but reverse it. Imagine that. What age would you pick to go back to? I think perhaps 32. But then what if my children decided to stop at 15 or they chose to stop at 40. I'd either have kids at home for the rest of my life or my kids would end up older than me.
Nope don't think that's ever going to work. The world would end up in turmoil.
There's no getting away from it really.
The thing called old age is coming for us all and it doesn't matter how we choose to deal with it there's no stopping it. Still I'm going to keep on fighting it and trying out some new lotions and potions whenever I feel the need.
Footnote: I actually do have the secret to youth for both men and women. It's simple and doesn't cost a cent. Here it is. Never, ever, under any circumstances, look at yourself in the mirror with your reading glasses on. When you visit the restroom at work or at home (most bathrooms have mirrors) either take your glasses off or keep your eyes down whilst washing your hands.
Do not be tempted to check how your hair is parted or if your lippy looks okay.
Linda Hall is assistant editor at Hawke's Bay Today.