It's like


for hair metallers. And it looks as bad as that sounds. So prepare to hate yourself for watching the new trailer for


Rock of Ages

, an '80s musical set to the tunes of Bon Jovi and Def Leppard. It stars

Tom Cruise

as an ageing rocker called - wait for it - Jaxx and an entire cast of celebs singing songs that are probably best forgotten. Wait for the end to hear Cruise singing Bon Jovi's

Wanted Dead or Alive

. Awful. (Apple)

2. In breaking news, the entire cast of the upcoming Avengers movie has been axed and replaced by Nicolas Cage, who will play every role - including Black Widow. Sounds awesome, right? Here's the poster. (Uproxx.com)

3. Garbage are back and they're in a bit of a mood, judging by the gloomy black-and-white video for new single Blood For Poppies. I used to have a major crush on Shirley Manson. Now I'm not so sure... (Stereogum)

4. Charlize Theron sex tape! Charlize Theron apologises for said sex tape! Behind-the-scenes of Charlize Theron's sex tape! Funny Or Die have been in April Fool's Day overdrive lately. (Funnyordie.com)

5. Someone gave Seth McFarlane way too much money to make a movie and he came up with Ted, a film about a foul-mouthed talking bear. How Mark Wahlberg and Mila Kunis ended up in this is anyone's guess. Warning: The trailer below contains explicit content, foul language and bad jokes. (YouTube)

6. Producer Forty One has remixed David Dallas' 2011 album The Rose Tint into a chopped-and-screwed-style remix record, and it's pretty decent. The whole thing is up for a pay-what-you-want download right here. (The Corner)

7. The full Total Recall trailer has landed. I like it. A lot. So go watch it now. (Apple)

8. Here are 32 important lessons that unwitting Facebook users have learnt the hard way. Don't read these in the office - you'll be splurting muffin all over your screen in no time. (Buzzfeed)

9. This is the cover for Fiona Apple's weirdly-titled new album. My kid could draw that. (Pitchfork)

10. Yesterday I made my debut as a roving TV reporter at Shihad's secret show at the Manukau Police Station. Stop laughing. I know I'm no David Farrier. (nzherald.co.nz)

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