NO YOU DON'T: Border lock Sam Madams looks to pinch another lineout off Pirates opposite Reece Dix at Spriggens Park on Saturday.PHOTO/STUART MUNRO
THE BLACK Bull Liquor Pirates supporters watching from their clubhouse balcony at Spriggens Park would have wanted to walk back inside and order a double of the strongest tipple at the bar on Saturday afternoon.
Their team's quest for the Grand Hotel Challenge Shield and rematch of last year's Tasman Tanning Premier grand final ended badly as Waverley Harvesting Border ran riot with nine tries in a 57-17 mauling of the defending champions.
Pirates found themselves 21-0 down before they even woke up in the first quarter as Border put the ball through the hands and ran into gaping holes out wide - new centre Kavenui Dabenaise evading chasers and even winning the sprint challenge with Pirates' lightning winger Clive Stowers.
It got worse for the home team as Border's playmakers in halfback Lindsay Horrocks, first five James Forsythe and fullback Nick Harding were able to pick their lines and had support backing them up with complete familiarity.
Meanwhile, Pirates' hopes in No8 Lasa Ulukuta and Stowers had to rely on individual busts, while Denning Tyrell at second five was unable to dictate the flow of the match.
Prop Willie Kabakaba getting sinbinned shortly before halftime didn't help the cause.
Losing a little bit of focus after the break, Border's execution deserted them somewhat and Pirates were able to get in position to score.
But it was Keystone Cops stuff at the back for Pirates as Border flanker Kieran Hussey scored a bemusing try when both teams tried running it and just passed the ball back inside to the other team, while the visitors would get three consecutive tries started by identical bombs towards the far touchline.
Winger Tom Symes is one of the Premier division's best kick chasers and he, with Harding and Dabenaise, made Pirates fullback Sava Takavesi's afternoon a nightmare with a series of misses and fumbles under pressure.
Border lock Sam Madams claimed lineout ball no matter which side threw it in and Cole Baldwin continued to cover the flanker spot with surging runs.
You would expect Border coach Ross Williams to be satisfied with record scorelines against the normally powerhouse clubs like Pirates and McCarthy's Transport Ruapehu so far this campaign.
However, rumours of Pirates reinforcements arriving in coming weeks still persist and Williams is not expecting to face the same disappointing team in the second round.
Instead, he would rather focus internally on making his squad better, even if everyone else has gotten worse.
"We'll work a lot harder on our line speed ... and support of the ball carrier," said Williams. "We showed glimpses of being able to score [quick] points.
"It's another step in the right direction, but we're not where we want to be."
Pirates coach Phillip Morris would take that last sentiment and multiply it several times.
"Our defence was non-existent. I asked them to do more without the ball, but they certainly didn't react to [Border's] ball carriers," he said.
"They're playing as a team, we're playing as individuals."
Morris did confirm he had some new prospects on the horizon - hoping to move Tyrell back into first-five while crossing fingers that Ulukuta's hamstring, strained further on Saturday, will mend promptly.
"They're coming, but you've got to do with what you've got. We'll get there, we'll come right."
A huge Dabenaise run burned off every Pirate except the desperately chasing Stowers to set up winger Isaiah Hooper's opening try, before a typical surge up the guts by No8 Ray Stark saw Border spread to Forsythe, who stepped inside and dashed over.
It was looking easy as Symes, Horrocks and Baldwin attacked the blindside with simple draw-and-pass to run 50m for the third converted try in 16 minutes.
Hooker Dylan Pearce got in on the action on the second phase by the pack to drive from a penalty kick lineout in the corner.
Pirates regrouped as Stowers nearly breached the line in a 20m dash, then his team stayed on the attack for Ulukuta and prop Jason Hauiti to have a crack from close range, before flanker Manalua Lafi dotted down.
But the recovery proved a mirage as Dabenaise eased into another hole and took off, feeding second five-eighth Fraser Middleton who set up Harding to out-pace his chasers to the corner.
Dabenaise couldn't quite grasp one pass for his first try but made no mistake on the second attempt following a Forsythe bust and pop pass.
Border lost their shape entering the second half as Pirates clawed for territory, with flanker Faalafi Vave only denied a try by an excellent Harding tackle at the line, while referee Ben Lourie was unsighted on another drive over the chalk.
Pirates stayed on attack and centre Sa'ena Vili was able to spin out of a tackle and dive over for 38-10.
But then the dreaded Border bombs came into play as Symes swooped on a bad Takavesi miss to score, the forwards regathered another kick - which they lost until Pirates threw it back to them - for Hussey's try, and Symes grabbed the third kick to set up Dabenaise for his double.
Pirates reserve forward Sanelle Ah Chookoon powered over after sustained buildup in the pack in the shadow of fulltime.
-Grand Hotel Challenge Shield - Waverley Harvesting Border 57 (Kavenui Dabenaise 2, Isaiah Hooper, James Forsythe, Cole Baldwin, Dylan Pearce, Nick Harding, Kieran Hussey, Tom Symes tries, Harding 6 con) Black Bull Liquor Pirates 17 (Manalua Lafi, Sa'ena Vili, Sanelle Ah Chookoon tries, Lafi con). HT: 38-5.