Time out can be positive punishment

Lynette Archer Photo/File

Talking with a group of mums at the Plunket Playgroup this week, Liza and I were encouraged to hear the strategies they were using to help their children behave well and that they were having good success - most of the time. One strategy that many parents are using is "time out", otherwise known as the "thinking chair" or the "grizzly chair". We think that knowing the purpose for time out and why it works could be helpful.

Time out works by stopping your child from getting attention. It's about behaviour change, not punishment. It also gives everyone a chance to calm down.

Before using time out, talk about it with your child, explain to them what it will be used for and agree on the place it will be.

For time out to work, a child first needs a lot of quality time in.

It doesn't always mean taking your child to a separate room. For younger children, pick an area that is uninteresting, but not frightening or isolating, like a chair, step, or corner of a room. With older children, you could put them in a separate room. But again, make sure it is safe and not frightening for them.

Using time out:

-Give your child a warning. Tell them what behaviour is unacceptable and say you will put them in time out if the behaviour doesn't stop. If they stop, give them lots of praise.

-If the behaviour doesn't stop, calmly take your child to a safe place where you can leave them for a short time. Time out works best for short periods - one minute for each year of a child's age is enough.

-Stay calm and try not to get angry. Don't talk to your child or give them any attention. If your child tries to leave the time out area before time is up, calmly take them back. Repeat as necessary.

-A timer can help signal clearly to everyone that time is up. Explain what happened and make sure you notice their good behaviour and give them lots of praise.

Important points to remember:

-If you give a warning, follow through with it. React straight away to behaviour such as hitting - even if it's just moving the child to a different corner of the room. If you give lots of warnings and do nothing, your child learns they can keep doing things that are unacceptable.

-Stay calm - breathe deeply and remind yourself your child is young and learning.

-Always tell your child what is happening and why. If they are too upset to listen, talk to them when they are calm again.

-Don't change your mind or negotiate during the time out.

-Time out doesn't work if you use it too often or for too long.

-When it's over, it's over. Start a new game or activity.

-Time out works best when you combine it with lots of praise for good behaviour.

Remember that this is just a short time in your child's life. Remember that your children need lots of hugs and kisses, so keep those emotional tanks topped up, and when you use time out for unwanted behaviour it should help reduce conflict in your home.

For more helpful strategies check out the Free SKIP Parenting booklets, contact Lynette or Liza at SKIP Whanganui phone or text 027 626 1404, or email skipwanganui@xtra.co.nz.