Kate Stewart says the real circus has nothing on New Zealand's political sideshows. Photo / File
Well, it's been a couple of weeks since I offered my services to Winz and I have to admit that I am a little disappointed that my new bestie, Paula Bennett, hasn't made contact regarding my start date.
Maybe it's in my junk folder, along with all the other "too good to be true" offers. At least I can prove to my case worker that I have been fulfilling my obligations and actively job seeking.
One more employment opportunity has re-presented itself though - MP.
With King David's announcement that more seats will be set aside for those of the female persuasion, this previously scuttled POD (point of distinction) may seem to many a giant step forward in women's rights and the rocky road to equality.
I actually find it somewhat insulting and I'm not even what you would class as a feminist - I'm too busy burning dinner to burn bras.
But if I was to contemplate entering into politics, I would want the satisfaction of knowing that, if elected, I got the job because of my passion and my policy, not out of an obligation to fill some politically correct quota system that they believe will find favour with the voters.
Regardless of my political leanings, all I ask is that each party put forward the best candidate possible - and you would think the party would want that too. Gender, race, age and/or sexual preference should play no part in the equation.
I recall some years ago, the government of the day lowering their entry standard qualifications for organisations like the NZ Police "to encourage a wider cultural representation" within the force.
Come on now, let's get real. In my opinion, with the spin stripped back, what they were really saying was: "You have a POD we need for political gain and, even though you don't have the smarts, we're going to make it easy for you so we look like the good guy."
It's insulting - and not just to those they are trying to entice, but to those who worked hard to achieve the previous high standard demanded of them. Must be soul-destroying to know that, had you waited a little longer, you could have got in with virtually no effort at all.
I view the whole female quota idea in the same way. Just dangle the carrot in front of the little ladies and watch them run. Put it in a box, dress it with a pretty pink bow and then deliver it, disguised as the gift of equality.
I suspect many will view it differently and see it as a huge leap for womankind. Which it is ... if going backward is the way forward.
Once the required quota is met, I wonder what POD will become the new flavour of the month. Maybe clowns would be a good one - it makes perfect sense as Parliament was, after all, replaced by a three-ringed circus years ago.
"Step right up, ladies and gents. Welcome to POD'S political circus.
"Behold the bisexual backbencher as he swings both ways on the trapeze. Be amazed by the multi-cultured Cabinet - we've got Caucasian, Maori, Pasifika and Asian, just to name a few. You'll be dazzled by our display of she-devils, gay, straight, fat, thin - as long as it's female we let'em in!
"Prepare to be stunned into silence by our own endangered species, the last remaining MP to be voted in based on policy.
"There's free tree-hugging for the kids - approved by health and safety, of course - and appearing, for one night only, the mayor's mistress. This time she'll be straddling the elephant in the room!" Get your popcorn now, peeps, I'm picking we're in for a spectacular show as we head into election year.
There will be political punches being thrown from all corners, some low blows for sure, and plenty of skeletons for us to pick through. Magic? No, but good use of smoke and mirrors.
The real politics, or lack of them, are a mere illusion, but it should be entertaining if nothing else.
If you have an idea for a new POD, please do share at investik8@gmail.com and, Paula, call me - we can do lunch.
Kate Stewart is an unemployed, reluctant mother of three, currently running amok in the city ... approach with caution or cheesecake.