White supremacists are being played by secret cliques of white sheet manufacturers to boost the sale of matching pillow cases that are easy to cut eye holes in.
This connection is not immediately apparent but if you consider how a white power group would choose to promote their brand then it is obvious.
Being a neo-Nazi is not easy. All the saluting, shouting and marching about is a bit confrontational and tends to make people think of Adolf Hitler.
So one way to soften that image is to use sheets and pillow cases. They are soft, cuddly and easy to fit over the head with eyeholes in the right place so the wearer can see where he/she is are going.
The World Federation of Pillow Case Designers (WFPCD) have been profiting from this, channelling funding to the production of race-sensitive sunglasses that make everyone look darker than they really are and selling them to anxious Caucasians worried they are being over-run by people of colour.
This motivates them to go out and buy king-size matching white bedding (the scissor industry is also in on this conspiracy, cutting the eye holes requires some precision).
Conspiracies like this are everywhere.
They are around every corner waiting to ambush us with their obvious connection between disparate events.
Another prime example is H20. It is everywhere, coming out of our taps, garden hoses, in our tea, our coffee.
We shower and wash in it but do we know what is actually in it?
Science tells us it is a molecule made of two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom, thus there are two "H" atoms and one "O".
Science tells us: "The atoms are joined by covalent bonding, meaning that they share electrons (as opposed to ionic bonding, in which atoms completely transfer electrons)."
It should be immediately obvious that anything that casually mentions the term ionic should be treated with great suspicion.
We all know about water but what do we really know? Water can rise up against us, flooding our homes, businesses and farms. It can fall on us suddenly as rain when we don't have a coat. It can wreck our ability to enjoy a picnic.
This is a conspiracy we need to have out in the open. Some blame the moon, fabulist weather forecasters, the wind, sinners and solo mothers when a quick fact-free analysis shows it is denial of the flatness of the earth that lies behind the problems hiding in the dangers of water.
The earth being flat and shaped like a large bowl means water sloshes round every time we all rush to one side of the planet to look at celebrities walking down a red carpet.
A conspiracy of this magnitude is mind-boggling and it is important that this gets out into the world, so please share this piece on social media.
Remember, the truth is not out there.
■Terry Sarten is a writer, musician, satirist and social worker - feedback: tgs@inspire.net.nz
