People say, "Oh, you're a regular Mary Poppins, aren't you, all bubbly and upbeat and maniacally determined to maintain this semblance or facade of happiness to the point where you actually seem sort of unhinged", but they don't know the half of it!!!! I love my magic brolly!!! It takes me to a better place!!!! A higher place, far, far away from the incompetence and vaingloriousness of my front bench – don't even mention the back bench!!!! No one else does!!!! God what losers!!!!
But you know what? It doesn't worry me. All I really want to say right now is Merry Xmas.
James Shaw
Kia ora and meri Kirihimete.
You might remember me as the co-leader of the Green Party, although then again you might not, because ever since we got in the back door of the Labour-New Zealand First coalition, we haven't exactly set politics on fire or done anything remarkable, apart from when Marama Davidson opens her mouth and says things about the c-word, which I'd really rather she didn't, because it detracts from our core message, makes us look weird, flakey, insubstantial.
But you know what? It doesn't worry me. All I really want to say right now is Merry Xmas.
David Seymour
It's Xmas – and I'm the little elf at the top of the tree!
Look, there I am! With a cheeky smile and my bum doing the twerk! Whee! I'm an entertainer! Please let me entertain you! If I don't entertain you, all I have is my political acumen to fall back on, and God help me with that one.
But you know what? It doesn't worry me. All I really want to say right now is Merry Xmas.
Simon Bridges
Gidday everyone, Xmas eh!
Hey so my name's Simon Bridges, the leader of the National Party, you'll have seen me around the traps no doubt, I love getting out and about, meeting old friends, making new friends, feeling the pulse of the nation, and letting people feel my pulse, which can be a bit of a worry because sometimes they can't find it.
They look at me, and say, "Mate," they'll say, "you actually appear to be dead."
And I say, "Look, I can see where you're coming from, but you mustn't believe the polls."
And the thing is that I have to say it really fast because people have a short attention and sometimes forget my name even while I'm saying it.
But you know what? It doesn't worry me. All I really want to say right now is Merry Xmas.
Winston Peters
Nothing worries me. You all know that. So I will say Merry Xmas if and when I feel like it.
Oh alright. Merry Xmas, everyone!
Or most everyone.
