Those of us who work in mental health may have already worked out by now that remaining objective in our work is far easier than in our own personal relationships. We have training, supervision and constant de-briefing around this as well. Handy for work but not so handy for our personal relationships where we have a far greater emotional investment.
It's not rocket science to work that out. We can talk the talk and maybe even walk the walk, but the real test will be in how we practise what we know in our own personal relationships. Let's make things really clear about objectivity in relationships — detachment means to not feel our rawest feelings under any circumstances. Those who are masters of detachment (probably due to many years of practice from a very young age) are very good at burying, deflecting and denying their feelings. They present as pillars of strength. Whereas I think we can still be pillars of strength but not by denying our feelings but rather owning them, readjusting ourselves and then moving on from them. Burying our emotions will never shift them, they will just continue to surface another day with another situation or another person or relationship.
Then there are those who seek to be unattached to their feelings.
This is those of us who feel deeply and who allow those feelings to move through us while learning ways to not let those feelings take over us. We acknowledge, reflect and feel the pain and the rawness of our grief so that we may learn and move on past those unbearable feelings. Not in spite of them, but because of them.
We all have the freedom of choice as to how we handle our emotions, it is our human right. Where it all clashes though is if we don't deal with our hurts, then hurt people will continue to hurt people. That's where our choices on how we grow individually DO matter, as although we all chip away as individuals, in reality we are all one big world full of relationships.
Don't get me wrong, this isn't about condoning other's bad behaviours, nor is it making excuses for others, but I do understand that without people presenting themselves to each other through a relationship then we don't and won't have the opportunity to know ourselves more. Some will take up this opportunity to learn and others won't see the opportunity.
My boss gave me a photocopy of a page from the Tao the other day, a bit random I thought at the time, but actually it was perfect timing. It was a piece of writing that reminded me that one thing can not exist without the 'other'.
In other words we wouldn't know light if we didn't know dark, we wouldn't understand good if we hadn't experienced bad etc etc.
