Hillary, however, would have us all believe otherwise with a little help from her PR department.
Public Relations ... a term first coined by Edward Bernays in 1917 to help generate the propaganda needed to ensure hesitant Americans would sign up to wage war. He wrote, "The intelligent manipulation of the masses is an invisible government which is the true ruling power in our country."
This same man also ran a successful campaign for Lucky Strike cigarettes to get women to smoke in public, by convincing them it was their path to liberation and emancipation. He referred to them as torches of freedom. What a guy.
Sadly the manipulation worked — women who smoked were subsequently viewed as not only acceptable but fashionable.
The masses, when presented with an attractive enough narrative, inhaled the lie faster than the cigarettes themselves.
I mention Bernays because the likes of Hillary Clinton, and let's face it, politicians in general, depend heavily on the power of PR to sell you their own version of events.
Expert weavers mean more believers, and oh, what a tangled web they weave.
If you want to apportion blame for Hillary's presidential loss (in case the leaked emails weren't enough) blame the embedded American mainstream media. They did their job masterfully, almost too well ... manipulating her supporters into complacency by leading them to believe that Trump didn't stand a chance, ultimately giving them a false sense of security.
They believed the propaganda, and the rest is history.
And, as a result, Kiwis — if the spin's been well executed — now get the pleasure and privilege of paying top dollar to hear a failed and bitter presidential candidate speak.
Break out the cheerios and tomato sauce ... snatch up the fairy bread and let's party. Lucky, lucky us.
And let's make no mistake, like Obama before her, Hillary's here for a payday, and I use the term "day" very loosely. Her obscene fee will be made in mere minutes and, in all likelihood, off the back of a gifted team of speechwriters who, by comparison, get paid peanuts.
Especially when you consider that the same speech is simply regurgitated from venue to venue, like a badly scratched record.
These purported heroes are unashamedly cashing in on bulls**t, skilfully spun to mislead the masses. It's a disgrace.
I'm surprised these greedy and supposedly awesome orators haven't thought to make their self-serving speeches available, after the event, on iTunes for $1.95, so poor plebs like me can afford to feel included.
Ticket prices for this heralded event cost between $195 and $495. The lesser amount gets you a crummy back seat. Pay top dollar to sit up front and centre and you may get the added bonus of rage-driven spit as well as the putrid aroma of bad (loser) breath.
Neither Bernays or Hillary are fooling me ... the only way I could be manipulated into attending such an event is if I was the one being paid to do so.
Back that broomstick up, biatch ... you can't handle the heat of my cauldron. #flyingshame
■ Your cost-free feedback is welcome: investik8@gmail.com
