So just to clear the air, no, I’m not American. Whanganui, to me, is like West Philly to the fresh prince - I was born and raised here.
Explaining why I get asked this is a little more complicated, but I blame television.
As a wee lad growing up in the early 2000s, my formative media diet was made up primarily of two shows, Blues Clues and Top Gear, with constant rewatches of The Tigger Movie sandwiched in between like springy, stripey meat.
To keep my parents off the hook, I should clarify Blues Clues definitely came first, but both shows really left a mark on me and led to me ending up at the Whanganui Chronicle, in a weird way.
Blues Clues instilled in me a sense of curiosity about the world around me and a want to help people, and while I can’t say Top Gear did the same, I remember asking my mum one day what job Jeremy Clarkson had, to which she answered ‘journalist’.
I didn’t even know what a journalist was - I was a six-year-old who wanted desperately to drive fast cars and be on TV for a living. But a connection was formed that survives to this day.
Those shows made another impact on me, though.
My adoration for both Steve and Jeremy Clarkson resulted in me copying their accent and vernacular, respectively, and as this happened at such a formative time in my life, it stuck, leaving me with a voice somewhere between a child’s TV host and a Tory opinion columnist without the opinions.
So, that’s the story.
For anyone who’s concerned my accent could be a point of insecurity for me, don’t worry, I actually love how I speak. It’s something that sets me apart.
Plus, whenever someone asks me about it, I get to tell this story and it usually gets a laugh, which always feels great, but I’m aware it’s strange, especially in a country so defined by its accent.
The New Zealand accent is one of our most notable cultural exports, right up there with the All Blacks, Whittaker’s chocolate and tall poppy syndrome.
It’s also pretty notable how similar the accent is across the country - sure, Aucklanders talk fast and Southlanders like to roll their ‘R’s, but the differences aren’t as stark as the differences between someone from California and someone from Texas.
Maybe that’s why Americans don’t ask if I’m American, because I don’t actually sound like I’m from any particular state. But I do sound like a foreigner’s idea of an American accent. Actors call this a ‘general American’ accent.
What would a ‘general New Zealand’ accent be in that case?
I would point to a foreign actor playing a New Zealander, but I honestly can’t think of one. The only people who seem to play New Zealanders on screen are other New Zealanders.
Maybe that’s why people love the accent so much - because anyone else who tries to do it sounds ridiculous, which is probably what actual Americans think about my voice and why I stick out like a sore thumb.
It leaves me with two other questions, though. Is there such a thing as a Whanganui accent? And if there is, what does it sound like?
I’d nominate my dad as a good candidate. He’s lived here all his life and seems like a good place to start.
