It's fair to say that people usually get into intimate relationships for love and the need to connect and bond with another. Connecting like this comes with emotional risks, and yet it's a risk we continue to take again and again.
Apart from keeping the species going, intimate relationships can
also satisfy our emotional need for connection and completeness. I'm not sure what "completeness" or "wholeness" means any more, when it's relative to something or someone else. It's certainly changed a lot for me over the years and I now seek connectedness from within first rather than without. For those couples who have managed to do both, they've cracked it in my opinion!
I have always been aware of a "void" inside of me since my teenage years, and of course I experimented with lots of external influences to try and fill that void. Finally I understand that it is only myself that can take care of my own emotional state. Everything else is only temporary. If my emotional bucket is feeling full, then I feel very specific feelings like: contentment, peacefulness and gratitude.
If I feel agitated, frustrated or angry, then my bucket is not so full and therefore I find myself in a weakened state. Being aware of the rise and fall of my emotional bucket allows me to strive to do something about it when I need to, and every effective manager knows that when we can measure something we can manage it. It's time we all became our own managers.
Some folk believe the only thing that can fill them up is the love and esteem of others, and their very "worth" depends on it. However, as adults, I believe we need to learn to fill up our own worth with the support of others and not rely on them. I can remember someone years ago telling me, "Carla, it's time to stand on your own two feet — you need to stop relying on everybody!"
