Quality Time: People who hear love by quality time know they are loved when people spend time with them - listening, walking, talking, going on trips.
Physical Touch: People who hear love in this way need to be touched - hugged, sitting close together, back rubs, and such. Have you ever seen people giving away "Free Hugs." These are physical touch people.
Receiving Gifts: Like my daughter, people who speak this love language need to receive thoughtful and personal gifts - not necessarily expensive, but individual.
Acts of Service: With this love language, people hear love through others giving them acts of service - making the bed, cleaning the bathroom, doing a chore that they dislike.
Children probably would not be able to tell you about their love language. After all, it is a pretty abstract concept. So how do you know which love language works for your child, and how do you use that knowledge to better communicate love to them?
Chapman suggests we try all five and see what sticks. But he also recommends that we watch how they show love to others to see what language works for them. For example, if your child is constantly doing little things for others, it is safe to try to use the acts of service language. If you have a child who wants to come and jump in your lap and cuddle, physical touch is likely their principle love language. So try to be observant and pay attention to how they best respond.
Given these love languages, what would be some things that would work for a parent who wants to speak their child's love language?
If your child has Words of Affirmation as his primary love language, criticism cuts deep. If you need to correct him, be specific as to what you want him or her to change, but make sure you include positive and loving words. Compliment your child often. Find opportunities to say positive things to him and about him to others.
For those children who hear love through Quality Time, there is no good alternative to spending time together. Go on a walk, to the gym, or on a car ride. When she asks you to take her somewhere or see something she has been working on, make the effort to do it and make it a priority.
Children who receive love through Physical Touch will appreciate cuddle time - maybe a story, singing songs together, or just sitting close watching a movie or playing a game. Boys who appreciate physical touch will enjoy a little wrestling match. When they get a little older, the same physical approaches may not work or may be uncomfortable. But an occasional hug, a touch on their shoulder or arm, or a pat on the back will be appropriate.
If your child receives love through Receiving Gifts, consider the occasional card or putting a treat in their school backpack or lunch box. Make sure you express your love verbally or in writing with the gift.
Children who have Acts of Service as a love language will best appreciate your doing little things for them. If they dislike doing the dishes, get up and do the dishes with them sometimes, and tell her that you love her while you do it.
-For more great Parenting Tips and free resources contact Liza and Lynette at skipwanganui@xtra.co.nz ph/txt 027 626 1404
