Dan Jackson: SHOUTING ... has its uses

I'VE GOT a loud voice. It's been getting me in trouble my whole life.

When I was a kid at school I was the one who got singled out for talking in class because my voice could be heard the clearest.

One of my favourite teachers got so sick of telling me off for talking that he stopped saying "Be quiet, Daniel!" and just started throwing chalk at me.

I'd be yacking away and "zing" a piece of chalk would slam into the wall behind me and I know he'd lost patience.

In the end, I was sat at a desk on my own but even then, thanks to my volume, I could yack (at least one way) with those seated well away from me.

Later in life my voice has got me in trouble in other ways. I'll be having a spirited discussion with someone and in the end they'll tell me to stop shouting at them. I'll tell them I'm not shouting and then we'll have another discussion about whether I'm shouting. Sigh.

It's not like I can sing or anything. I just have a loud, piercing tone that can override most sounds around it.

One time, working in my digger, I was busy trying to manouevre something into position and I dropped it, undoing about 10 minutes' worth of work. I swore and carried on doing what I was doing and thinking no more of it.

Shortly after, to my surprise, I saw my Dad standing looking at me and, when I asked him why, he said he was checking on me because he heard me call out - this was from 100 metres away and over the noise of my machine and whatever he was doing at the time.

It's a bit of a social killer as well. Someone will tell a joke in a group setting and I'll make an involuntary laugh.

Then everyone spends the next five minutes looking at me funny because I laughed so loud everyone forgot what they were talking about.

My everyday volume has gotten worse the longer I've been around machines. I'll sit in my digger or noisy truck cab and by the time I get home I'm shouting away like it's normal practice.

I'm loud on phones. too. People will ring my cell and I'll be talking away and they'll ask me to stop shouting.

Sigh.

My mum used to say I should have been an auctioneer, which would have been a valid career choice for me if microphones had not been invented.

This has been my own burden for many years and I've tried to muffle my voice as best I can with only the occasional outburst.

But, since I've become a family man, I've found that my voice has some surprising uses.

For instance, if the fiancee is tired of trying to get the kids to stop squabbling she'll shoot me a look and all I have to do is say "Oi!" at full volume and silence follows.

I literally can be reading the paper at the kitchen table and, without moving anything but my vocal chords, quieten an argument at the other end of the house. Yeah, I'm SuperDad.

At Kai Iwi Beach on a summer's day we were all having a good time by the stream when I noticed two of the young'uns had crept to the base of the cliffs. I called out to them and probably a 100-plus people turned at once to look at me, including my two kids who came running.

Another time, one of the kids had got separated from us while we were walking. There were some trees and dunes between us and I knew that he'd be panicking. "Just follow my voice" I said and, not long after, a relieved face appeared.

Also, when I'm busy telling one of the older kids something and they don't like what they're hearing, I just quietly say "I can say this louder if you want?" ... they never want me to say it louder.

At school cross-countries my kids always know I'm there supporting them.

And, if the little ones are about to do something that's gonna get them hurt, I just bark. I don't even have to use words.

I know it's not much of a super power - but it's the best I've got.

- Dan Jackson is a Whanganui journalist and part-time scrap metal dealer.