“For some of them, it’s better the devil you do know than the one you don’t.”
Women stayed in violent situations for many complex reasons, Voice said.
“Family violence is really insidious and it can impact your self-esteem.
“It can impact your belief in yourself to be able to cope without this person who has controlled you, dominated you and made decisions for you.”
The organisation marked its 50th anniversary in Whanganui last year.
Last December, chief executive Dr Ang Jury said Women’s Refuge’s continued existence meant the country had failed to end domestic violence.
“I’d like to think that as we learn more and understand more that we won’t be round in another 50 [years], that there won’t be any need for a centenary,” Jury said.
“If there is, then that’s an awful lot of women and children who have been damaged unnecessarily.”
Voice said a lack of independent finances, loss of property or the fear of children being taken away were reasons why someone might stay in a harmful relationship.
For immigrant women, there could also be concerns over holding an insecure visa status.
A competitive housing market and steep rent prices were also exacerbating family violence, as there were limited options for women leaving violent situations.
“Women will stay in unsafe situations for longer than they might want to because it’s hard for them to find somewhere else to go,”
The Women’s Refuge safehouse is only used for short-term accommodation in critical, high-risk scenarios - for example, when women have been removed from their houses by the police.
“On the last day of the work year, the safehouse was full. We went into Christmas a little bit concerned about what we were going to do,” Voice said.
The organisation also funds bus and plane tickets to help relocate women out of town into safer situations.
Voice said they responded to all kinds of abuse, not just physical violence.
There were countless ways a person could be stripped of their power and controlled in a relationship.
“It can look like cyber stalking or controlling someone’s social media, emails and phone.
“Or it could look like your ex phoning your boss and spreading lies about you. That impacts your confidence and all of your workplace relationships.”
It was “phenomenal” to hear some of the things women had been subject to, such as using custody issues or the family court as a weapon to hurt the victim.
The most common type of abuse was intimate partner violence.
However, Voice said there could be harm in every type of relationship - such as an adult child towards a parent - and family violence did not discriminate.
Where to get help
If it’s an emergency and you feel that you or someone else is at risk, call 111.
If you’ve ever experienced sexual assault or abuse and need to talk to someone, contact Safe to Talk confidentially, any time 24/7:
• Women’s Refuge Crisis line 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843
• Call 0800 044 334
• Text 4334
• Email support@safetotalk.nz
• For more info or to web chat visit safetotalk.nz
Alternatively, contact your local police station.
* This story has been updated to make clear that it is not a requirement that, in order to have access to the safehouse, women must be escorted from their homes by the police. That is one example of a high-risk scenario Women’s Refuge deals with.
Eva de Jong is a reporter for the Whanganui Chronicle covering health stories and general news. She began as a reporter in 2023.
