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Home / Whanganui Chronicle

Conquering the fear and doing it ... anyway

By Carla Langmead
Wanganui Midweek·
7 Dec, 2017 03:09 AM4 mins to read

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Kayaking, Kaiteriteri Coast, Abel Tasman National Park, South Island, New Zealand

Kayaking, Kaiteriteri Coast, Abel Tasman National Park, South Island, New Zealand

"Come kayaking"! She said to me. There's a bunch of us going and it will be fun!
First mental note to self was "no way" — I've seen those instructors practising in local school pools teaching people how to 'roll' when they fall out!

That vision kept playing in my head as my mate excitedly chatted on while my anxiety levels were sky rocketing as I saw myself getting stuck in a flipped over kayak with a dozen people around me that I've never met! Nope, I had decided that I would not be going on this 'fun' trip.

Weird, isn't it, but as I was consciously making my decision I heard the words come gushing forth out of my mouth.
"Oh that sounds fantastic, let me think about it and I'll get back to you"! OMG, what had I just said?

Why on earth did I set false expectations? And then from some dark corner of my mind came this little voice saying, "You should go". The voice continued, "you know Carla, you only live once, and you're 'getting on' and you may never ever get this opportunity again."
But the clincher for me, "Carla you need to feel the fear and DO IT ANYWAY". Once I hear that I know that I have little choice and the battle within me is over. I know how alive and ethereal I'm going to feel afterwards, of whatever it is that I'm running from.
It's that line that ignites the spark that keeps me forging forward and embracing change and adaptation to new situations. I hate change and I love it and need it ALL at the same time!

So a few weekends ago I went kayaking with a dozen strangers, bar one.
My fears DID get worse before they got better, as before the trip, we had a quick de brief from our tour guide 'Tony', who incidentally was NOT coming with us! What sort of a tour guide was he? Just a quick met service forecast and what to do should one fall out of the boat, and there was no practising or talk of any 'roll' upon capsize. I got so stuck on that image again that I missed the further instructions on how to manage the treacherous waters around the points that we were to kayak around and the importance of the tidal movements to help us through the tricky bits. Oh well, there were a dozen others who I hoped were listening and at least one of them would have it sorted.

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So as someone who fears deep water, or more accurately what's underneath, I was amazed to find that not long after 'Tony' had pushed us off into the big blue yonder that after a few steering issues my fears started to slip away as I quickly started to feel 'at one' with the ocean (sounds cheezy I know).
I became mesmerised by the sheer beauty of this country that we are so privileged to live in.

As I rotated my way with each stroke cutting through the emerald clear waters of the Able Tasman National Park I was literally moved to tears as I basked in the gratefulness of 'life'.
The scenery surpassed everything that I had ever seen before. I saw amazing bird life that we'll just call 'shags'.
I'm sure there was more variety but that's the only one I can remember. I saw seals on land and seals playing in the water beside us as we kayaked past — however that was short lived as someone behind me yelled "fin"! making us move very quickly passed the bobbing seals! So the next time someone says "Come kayaking"! "Just try and stop me" will be my response. That's one less fear I have to face and one more step towards gratitude.

www.carlascoaching forhealth.com

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