An open letter to Greek PM George Papandreou

Dear George,

You might wonder why someone from a South-Pacific nation is writing to you; after all, you are currently hearing plenty from your own constituents. And before you reach for your interpreter, the town I have listed as my abode is Wang-a-nui (pronounced with a "w" sound like the word "whistle").

I have never visited Greece. I've seen some postcards, but the reality is that you seem as faraway to us as we might seem to you. But we really are a lot closer than that, and you are doing some things which are going to affect me and my business.

Your decision this week to seek a referendum from your people on the European Union bail-out plan has me baffled, mate. You have Europe's biggest economies and banks agreeing to forgive half of your debt and all you need to do is tighten your belts - and yet you decide that you need to get political mandate to accept the cheque?

It is like my bank wanting to cut my mortgage in half in return for me buying less chocolate, and then me going to my children to get their approval of the deal.

My kids don't understand the extent of my debt so they will always choose to keep the chocolate and you know that your public will almost certainly reject the bail-out because they enjoy retiring shortly after puberty.

The worst part is that when your people reject the bail-out (and also because of the days of uncertainty leading up to your referendum), the world economy is going to take a kick in the groin - and that's where Wanganui comes in. In my view, a bank which has been dumb enough not to see the writing on the wall for your country, and that continues to lend you money, deserves to go to the wall. But the more banks that fail, the harder it will be to obtain credit, the slower trade will be and, "voila", we will have a double-dip recession. I am told that Wanganui will see interest rates go up and commodity prices go down - not ideal. George, you must understand the adage that credit is the thing that builds modern economies but the absence of it can destroy them - stop me if I'm moving too fast for you.

But we Kiwis are a resilient lot and we weathered the last recession pretty well by world standards. Did you know we have an election on right now? I'm sure you'd say that we need to steer well clear of a political party that would borrow more just to keep people happy - last I heard, when asked "show me the money" they didn't have an answer - not a good look.

Greece isn't a good look, George. If you don't want to be known as the man who put political self-interest ahead of the world economy, take the bail-out.

By the way, can you please give me Silvio Berlusconi's address?