If the headline was up to me, this column would read - Heavy Sh*t
It starts with a single kūmara that I would have dropped like hot potato had I known it was going to cost me $6.17
This sweet potato had left a sour taste in my mouth ... before I had even consumed it.
Convinced that my kūmara must be special, I donned the kind of gloves that one wears when handling things like the America's Cup.
Surely it must house a secret I was unaware of?
It wasn't a remarkable specimen, not even remotely attractive or overly large. Would I cut into it, only to find a bejewelled Faberge Egg concealed within, or was it something darker and far more sinister ... like the colour of its skin?
What makes purple kūmara more valuable or superior than gold or orange?
What was the justification for the price per kilo difference, based on colour? Is there one?
It's root vegetable racism and I, for one, won't stand for it!
Then came the NZH headline of "mud buns" driving up the already crazy price of butter.
Like a bozo, I clicked on the link expecting the story of an unfortunate toileting event, only to find it was some social media trend, driven by celebs posting pics of themselves devouring some type of messy chocolate pastry that relied heavily on butter for its decadence.
WTF ... so, we are now expected to pay even more for a lousy pound of the creamy, yellow gold because the few with social influence have created a craze. Gee - thanks, you bunch of entitled and overrated attention seeking whores.
Then, if that wasn't enough ... and to add insult to injury ... I was ripped off yet again by another "price per weight item".
This time it was postage.
My big brother, currently residing in New York, sprung a surprise on me with news(and video) of his recent marriage to longtime partner, Cammie.
So, as a token gesture, I hastily assembled a Kiwiana Care Package complete with pineapple lumps, Maggi onion dip, Raro, Whittakers chocolate, SuperWine biscuits etc. A spend of no more than $50, including box and a flashy wedding card.
The postage cost me over $90.00.
Another $20 if I wanted it tracked ... so there's no guarantee, despite the outrageous expenditure, that he's even going to receive it.
Turns out that posting the exact same package to England would have cost no extra.
For some bizarre reason, they go by weight and seriously effed up postal zones, and not distance, despite the fact we are constantly told jet fuel dictates the price of travel.
With human obesity on the rise, let's just be grateful that we're not being charged per kilo, every time we board a plane ... but it begs the question, why then is our freight? And who or what is subsidising who?
The price of $4.99 for a kilo of chicken drumsticks might seem like a really good deal ... until you consider the price you're paying for large amounts of bone.
What the hell is wrong with us, that in any of these scenarios, we see it as fair and acceptable?
Instead, we seem content to swallow the line about grower conditions and market forces ... and so we, ironically, become ripe for the picking.
Like the $6 kūmara, $7 avocado, pound of butter, overpriced bag of bones disguised as miserly morsels of meat, and/or a 3kg package that costs more to reach its destination than a 150kg human does, comparatively speaking.
We teach people how to treat us ... why is it OK that they treat us like fools?
It's time to weigh in on this pricey debate. #yourpriceaintnice
Fatty feedback welcome: firstname.lastname@example.org