Diary of a body makeover: Grumpy and world's against me

Caffeine-laden or caffeine-free coffee - either way, it's off the menu this week.

Week two of the detox is here and I want coffee. Given I'd ditched caffeine from mid-January, I'm not sure it's the caffeine I want or the flavour. The habit of a mid-morning coffee at my desk sees me opening my top drawer and staring longingly at the jar of decaf Moccona. Close drawer. Open drawer. Slam drawer. Apparently, Moccona heft meer mmmm. Well I wouldn't $#@&ing know would I because I can't have one!!! Sorry. That's the cravings talking. A cup of kidney cleanse tea it is instead then.

Tuesday rolls around and from the get go it seems like it's going to be one of those days. I'm grumpy and it feels like the world is conspiring against me today. There's even a great big chocolate mud cake on the table in the lunchroom. I'm not actually tempted by it, but I give it the evils everytime I go in there to refill my water bottle.

Then I end up taking work home with me. Juggling a work phone call along with prepping dinner for Miss 6 and helping with homework is a recipe for, well, not disaster, but certainly a cranky me. Once Miss 6 is tucked up in bed I flop on the sofa. Instead of just taking a few calming breaths and thinking about what to organise for my dinner, I get up and pour a gin. Albeit with sparkling water and lemon. But a gin nonetheless. And it was bloody delicious. So I had another one as I cooked my prawns and zucchini noodles for dinner.

I realise I've run out of avocado oil so I cook them in butter instead. So there I've gone and broken the no alcohol and no dairy rules. The world hasn't stopped spinning on its axis and I go to bed not feeling guilty, but determined to get back on track tomorrow.

Wednesday morning and my colleagues Ged and Belinda ask if I'm feeling better today. I tell them I am, but admit to the gins and dairy last night. They pounce on that because we'd agreed that if I fall of the wagon I owe them a round at the pub.

The rest of the week passes uneventfully. I'm back on track and feel full of beans.

Saturday rolls around and we're having an early celebration for Dad's 60th birthday. Mum, bless her cotton socks, has made sure there is roast chicken for me to chow down on while the others devour meltingly tender lamb. And then they have chocolate birthday cake for dessert. Mum's bought pineapple, watermelon and blueberries too, so I nibble on a little of that.

For dinner on Sunday there is chicken defrosting in the fridge, but there is also steak which I was going to have for dinner on Monday once the detox is over. But the lure is too much. I've been craving red meat and I cook that perfectly aged piece of Scotch fillet on the barbecue and serve it with chargrilled capsicums and a green salad. The steak is so damn good.

Monday morning: I've got through two weeks without totally losing the plot. My skin is clearer, I have more energy and my clothes are looser thanks to the 3kg I've lost.

Next week Sonja takes me through the next two-week phase. It involves bacon and eggs. Hurrah!

Sonja Gardiner is a Hamilton nutritionist on a mission to bring health, wholeness and happiness back into people's lives. For more information see www.sonjagardiner.com.