Chaos in the mud at Nova Rock among the tent graveyards. Photo / Mikhail Norris
Chaos in the mud at Nova Rock among the tent graveyards. Photo / Mikhail Norris
Drunken debauchery, tedious transport and even a fiery tent inferno. Festivals can be fun, but they can also come with chaos and leave memories that would rather be left in the past.
As summer concert season is upon us, we have dug out some of the worst and –let’s be honest – funniest festival horror stories, and this writer lets slip on his own unfortunate mishap.
A plume of smoke erupts at the 'tent graveyard' of Nova Rock, Austria. Photo / Mikhal Norriss
Tent bonfires and Viking helmets at Nova Rock, Austria (2010)
Austria’s health and safety laws were, it seems, borderline non-existent back in 2010, as Mikhal Norriss found out at her wild festival experience.
Describing the scene as absolute chaos, the Rammstein and Green Day-headlined festival had Joan Jett abandon the stage because a severe storm with strong winds started charging towards punters.
“Parts of the campsite looked like a tent graveyard with poles everywhere. At one point a fireman showed up, completely unfazed, cigarette dangling from his mouth like it was just another Tuesday,” Norris says.
Somehow, at one point, someone started a bonfire in the middle of the tents.
“The mud [also] turned into a slip-and-slide. And while we couldn’t find water anywhere, we did manage to pick up a Viking helmet.”
But, even with all its pitfalls, Norriss says Nova Rock was still “chaos in the best possible way”.
Raw rice and toilet troubles at Nambassa, New Zealand (1978)
Patrick Smellie was one of the lucky few who got to attend this infamous “hippie” festival held on large Waikato farms in the late 70s.
He remembers it for several reasons, not all of them great. An early indicator was the state of the toilets (I dread to think), and “not realising you’re meant to boil rice in water before frying it and serving up a very crunchy meal”.
Smellie also says after smuggling someone into the festival under the back seat of a car, he managed to lose his keys, making for an even more unfortunate transport situation.
He says one of the most bizarre moments was witnessing Kiwi artist and poet Richard von Sturmer on stage. naked and painted blue.
“[Those are] probably more suppressed memories than horror stories,” he jokes.
“I do recall trying to mark out a large campsite for various people who were meant to be arriving and didn’t get there till well after midnight, by which time the people I was trying to prevent from taking my enormous spot were becoming a bit unruly.”
With this crazy crowd size, it's no wonder the people got lost in the Big Day Out crowds. Photo / Anne-Marie De Bruin
Tedious transport woes and wristband selling at the Big Day Out (2004)
Anne-Marie De Bruin encountered major transport issues at one of New Zealand’s most infamous festivals: the Big Day Out at what is now Go Media Stadium in Penrose.
“I went to a BDO and became separated from my two brothers in the Boiler Room tent during Salmonella Dub,” she says.
“They had my car keys and phone, so I could not get home easily.”
The blaring sounds of rock titans Metallica were probably the reason her brothers weren’t answering their flip phones as she tried to call them from a phone booth.
So, what to do? Make a buck of course! She left the grounds and some random guy gave her $20 for her wristband so he could enter.
“I then shared a taxi with a woman to Parnell as we were waiting at the bus stop, but then no bus seemed to be coming for a while. From there I bussed back to my parents on the Shore and my BDO adventure/disaster was over for the night.”
Portaloo pass-out at Plane Sailing Auckland (2022)
I’m not without my own festival horror stories, and this one is probably one of the most embarrassing of the bunch. What started as a great day in the blistering summer sun at Auckland’s Victoria Park ended in the medic tent – but not for the reason you’d think.
Anyone who knows me knows I don’t do well with blood or blood loss, so when my finger got jammed in a Portaloo door by a drunk patron, leaving a bleeding gash, all bets were off.
Sure enough, the moment I walked out of the cubicle I saw stars and collapsed into an embarrassing heap on the grass.
“What has he taken? How much has he drunk?” were the words of the paramedics who were frantically assessing me. As I came to, I could see the crowd forming around me.
Just one drink in, I let out a wry laugh and showed everyone my mangled finger. I think everyone was laughing with me as I got stitched up at the medical tent, but I’m totally fine if they were also laughing at me.
Mitchell Hageman joined the Herald’s entertainment and lifestyle team in 2024. He previously worked as a multimedia journalist for Hawke’s BayToday.
