David White is an unlikely and wholly unassuming Kiwi hero. He wears sensible long pants and a jersey; even his name is unremarkable. Everything about him is authentic and, frankly, boringly normal. At 80, he’s an old-school gentleman but with the energy of a modern-day campaigner and fighter. Fear of failure and not achieving enough drives him.
It’s how he has lived his so-called retirement that makes his story compelling. White’s daughter, Helen Meads, was murdered by her husband, multimillionaire horse breeder Gregory Meads, in September 2009 on their Matamata farm just days after she told him she was leaving him. Meads shot her in the throat at the stables on their property.
White, on the eve of retirement, and with his wife Pam, suddenly became parents again, taking in their two vulnerable and grieving granddaughters. No one had planned for it to be like this and there was little help or assistance on offer.
White had no idea how widespread and dangerous domestic violence was in New Zealand until his daughter’s murder, so he wanted to learn more, to help people escape, and to get inside the minds of men who commit such acts. He wanted politicians to come along with him or at least support his push for change.
So, when most people are retiring and kicking back, White not only was playing the role of dad to his granddaughters, but on a personal mission to reduce domestic violence, to identify it early and get men to change.
When he wrote to more than 70 MPs, only six replied. That’s a disgrace, but White battled on. He has continued to do so, despite twice trying to retire. He’s travelled the length and breadth of the country giving speeches, attending events and trying to get politicians to engage.
Next week, he goes on the road again, to launch a petition asking the government to urgently set up an early intervention programme. It will serve as an “ambulance at the top of the cliff” -- to be there before men fall into the cycle of abuse that breaks families and comes at a huge cost. He’ll hold public meetings involving domestic and sexual violence prevention groups; his granddaughter is helping with a TikTok campaign. He’d like to see the petition in public libraries, so it’s more available to sign.
Despite all the work he has done, White feels like he has not achieved enough, which is why he is heading out again. He is tired of the words and inaction from Wellington on what’s being done to stop family violence; he says nothing has been achieved despite millions of dollars being spent.
His wants one million signatures on his petition. It’s a lofty goal, but he points out one in three New Zealand women have been affected by domestic violence.
White wishes he’d got his daughter out of her abusive relationship earlier, and at times blames himself. He’s being too hard on himself, but I sense he can’t stop campaigning because he feels he owes it to his late daughter.
In the background is Greg Meads, White’s former son-in-law, who was released on bail last year. He’s now living in a $3 million beachfront property in the Bay of Plenty where he’s largely shunned by the local community.
Mead was sentenced to life imprisonment in 2011 and released last year, from a minimum-security jail, after a Parole Board hearing concluded he was at “low risk of re-offending”. This just doesn’t seem right. Would a Māori man from the wrong end of town who brutally killed his partner by shooting her in the throat and without a flashy lawyer and $40m in the bank do only 13 years? I doubt it.
So White continues, 16 years on from Helen’s murder. People who stood with him years ago have moved on, likely exhausted at his appetite for work, and he’s put himself into situations he never thought possible. He’s been a surprise visitor in our jails and stood in front of rooms of tough, hardened and violent domestic abusers. They carry their anger daily, they are three times bigger than White, and they’ve been in jail for years, many without hope or any connection to their families, wives and kids. He talks with them, in prisons or homes, about the pain they’ve caused. These men almost always, he says, were beaten badly by a parent or caregiver – often their mothers – and have never known, or been shown, what love is.
On meeting White, initially they are suspicious. He challenges them to confront their demons, sometimes he embraces them. He tells of one man, who towered over him, who broke down and admitted he’d never been hugged by anyone. White later received a Christmas card from the man’s three daughters and their mum. They thanked him for giving their dad back to them. He’d followed White’s advice and apologised to his family, listened to them and hugged them.
White says this made him realise he didn’t have to change the world; he just needed to affect one person and that would change, for the better, many more lives. So, knowing he’s got limited time left on this planet, he’s trying to make it a safer place, improving the lives of others.
In 2023, he was made a member of the New Zealand Order of Merit for services to the prevention of family violence. It’s a mid-tier honour, but he deserves one that is instantly recognisable, like a knighthood, or to be New Zealander of the Year. This would help to draw attention to the unglamorous but vital work needed to prevent family violence. And, if it’s too hard to give him a greater accolade, how about a few petrol vouchers as he travels around the country? After all, he might such save a life or three, so we should honour or help White while we have the chance.
