You are now entering the mind of a sheep. The first thing you do, now you’re inside the mind of a sheep, is notice that through the fence is some lovely green grass, a place called by some “the lawn”.
You push your head under the bottom wire of the fence trying to get to the lovely green grass and manage to nibble a bit, but not nearly enough.
You want more of the lovely green grass, and you are determined you shall have it.
You begin testing the rest of the fence for weaknesses. Maybe, you think, you can outfox the fence even though, as a sheep, if you saw a fox, you’d run like hell.
Eventually, and after many hours, you find a spot where the wires aren’t as tight as they should be.
You discover that, if you put one front leg through the fence, then your head, then your other front leg, and then give an almighty push with your back legs, you really can outfox the fence.
Suddenly, as if by magic, sheep magic, you are through the fence. You are finally standing on the lovely green grass!
You begin filling your face with the lovely green grass. It is very heaven. Well, it is until you realise that you’re standing on the other side of the fence from all the other sheep.
They are staring at you.
One of the sheep is Elizabeth Jane, your favourite, the one you treat like your mother even though she ignores you. She inquires, in her snooty way, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
What could she mean? Then, like a bolt from the blue sky above, it hits you: once you’ve eaten the lovely green grass, what then? Will you be able to get back through the fence?
You start walking up and down looking for the spot you came through. You can’t find it. Oh, no. You start bleating to Elizabeth Jane: “Help me, help me!”
As your panic grows, a mysterious figure, the Sheep Whisperer, appears out of nowhere, trailed by his not-so-humble assistant, the one they call Michele.
You watch the Sheep Whisperer as he sizes up the situation. After scratching his head for a bit (does he have fleas?), he walks slowly towards you, so you run away.
“Shit,” says the Sheep Whisperer. He scratches his head again (he definitely has fleas). Then you watch as he says something to his not-so-humble assistant, who soon comes back with a bucket of delicious sheep nuts.
Are they for you? Apparently not. It doesn’t matter: all thoughts of lovely green grass and delicious sheep nuts are now the furthest thing from your mind. You just want to go home.
The Sheep Whisperer climbs over the stile in the fence and shows Elizabeth Jane the bucket. Elizabeth Jane suddenly forgets all about you and begins bellowing, “The nuts are mine, all mine, I tell you,” at the other sheep.
The Sheep Whisperer begins walking down the paddock shaking the bucket aloft and Elizabeth Jane and all the other sheep start to follow him. You’ve been abandoned!
In desperation, you follow the Sheep Whisperer, too, but on the other side of the fence. Where is he going, you wonder, what is he doing?
As he goes from the Pear Orchard Paddock into the Big Paddock, you become confused, losing sight of him for a bit among the trees on your side of the fence, before seeing the Sheep Whisperer, Elizabeth Jane and all the other sheep heading towards the gate in the corner of the Big Paddock. There, the not-so-humble assistant awaits.
The Sheep Whisperer stops and instructs the not-so-humble assistant to open the gate as he throws the bucket of delicious sheep nuts on the ground. Everyone is getting delicious sheep nuts except you!
But there is still a chance. While no one is looking, you slip through the open gate and run toward the delicious sheep nuts. All gone! You run up to Elizabeth Jane to tell her about your adventures. She ignores you. Oh well, at least you’re home.
“That was clever,” the not-so-humble assistant says to the Sheep Whisperer. He nods and takes this as his due.
