Christmas is just around the corner. How does that make you feel?
When I asked 800 people that question in September, 70% said they love Christmas. But six out of 10 of those folk qualified their love with “but it’s stressful”. Those who don’t celebrate Christmas numbered 8% and a tear-jerking 22% said they “don’t look forward to Christmas at all”.
You’ll have your own answers to the next question – why do people either not like Christmas or find that stress takes the fake snow veneer off it?
Before I asked the question I did homework on common sources of Christmas-related stress. I found straw polls run by banks, focus groups conducted by supermarkets, a lot of popular wisdom, and even some peer-reviewed research. I collated their answers and laid them like a slice of turkey in front of participants.
One in six deluded or unbelievably fortunate folk said there was nothing to dislike – “Christmas is perfect.”
MedicalNewsToday put “sickness and hangovers” on top of its list of Christmas stresses but only one in 50 of my participants picked feeling sick from eating and drinking too much as a source of stress. Of mine, 9% agreed with betterhealth.vic.gov.au that family tension was No 1, and a further 6% nominated having to spend time with people you’d prefer not to spend time with.
Two things – first, the state of Victoria has a webpage devoted to Christmas stress, at the aforementioned link, because it’s a public health issue. Second, the expectation that everyone will get along may be unreasonable. “If your relatives tend to fight throughout the year, they will most likely fight on Christmas Day as well,” say the Victorians.
I’ll add that you may not choose your family, but you can exert some control over how much fuel there is for a family meltdown – consider hiding the contents of the liquor cabinet to reduce the chances of disinhibited Uncle Winston saying something everyone will regret.
Worrying about money? This was top of the pile for 13%. Our own Mental Health Foundation has a page of advice for surfing the Christmas waves. Among the suggestions for a thrifty Christmas is finding ways to give people experiences that create memories without use-by dates. I also like the recommendation of small and random acts of kindness.
And 13% also picked the stressor that brings a tear to my eye – not being able to be with the people you love. At a time when the world feels very turbulent and the news gives us wrenching images of families separated and displaced, it’s worth remembering the people we know who are living away from family, or whose families have orphaned them to go on that Pacific holiday. At my work, it has become a tradition for these folk to band together and be each other’s whānau for the day.
Only 4% of my participants picked feeling lonely, but research says this is a common Christmas downer, particularly among older folk and people away from home.
The No 2 Christmas stressor was getting all the shopping, preparation and cooking done in time. Hands up if you’re exhausted before the first cracker is pulled? This advice may be a little late, but don’t leave it to the last minute. The moment you think of a gift/experience, write it down so you don’t forget.
And the No 1 stressor, picked by one in five participants in my survey? The pressure to celebrate and make people happy. If there’s a common thread, it’s around great (and unreasonable) expectations. It’s easy to blow things up in our minds and anticipate the Greatest Christmas Ever with a fixed grin. Don’t be afraid to think and talk through the plan with your dearest, and share the load.
Now, where did I put my shopping list?
