Timaru-born actor and comedian Josh Thomson puts aside his regular screen appearances on the likes of 7 Days, the Australian version of The Office and Taskmaster New Zealand, which he also directs, to deliver his new stand-up show Old Mate at the NZ International Comedy Festival. As a warm-up, he tackles our Cultural Attaché questions.
What is your earliest memory?
Playing with toys on a wooden floor. A sheepskin rug. Mum’s and Dad’s voices. My brother throwing a chunk of sheep fat at me from a fresh kill. It stuck to my chest and I ran around screaming. No one could catch me so I was AWOL for a while.
What did you want to be when you were a kid?
A scientist or Arnold Schwarzenegger. I think I’ve landed somewhere in the middle.
When were you happiest?
Laughing with, and at, my family. Playing on the farm. Eating all of the cake. My mum trained as a patisserie chef. She brought Tongan portions to French cuisine.
What’s your greatest fear?
Where my sleepwalking might take me. I’ve locked myself out of a hotel room twice with no clothes on. Once I had to sleep in a broom closet until the receptionist started work the next morning.
What trait in yourself do you least like?
I get too excited about anything that is free. I’ve only just been able to turn down the Air New Zealand sweets.
What trait in others do you least like?
People who can’t empathise. Just don’t be a dick.
What characteristics do you most value in your friends?
Their willingness to call out my stupidity. I make bizarre life choices so confidently that people assume I know what I’m doing. Not my friends. They don’t hesitate to tear me apart.
What’s the best gift you’ve ever given?
My DNA. To my wife, you’re welcome.
When is it okay to lie?
When someone asks you to say “hi” to someone else. I’m definitely not going to do it.
What is your most treasured possession?
My children. I still technically own them. I will unleash them upon the world and you will rue the day.
What’s the last book you read?
Moby-Dick. Half amazing storytelling, half inane, hyper-detailed waffle about seemingly unnecessary things: – 100% up my alley.
Who are your favourite writers?
Philip K Dick, Agatha Christie, Joe Abercrombie, Bill Bryson, George RR Martin, Wilbur Smith, JRR Tolkien, Lee Child, John le Carré. I love grit, pulp, mystery, intrigue, fantasy, trash, sci-fi, and history.
Who is your favourite character(s) of fiction?
Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars. I love a theatrical bad guy.
The title of your autobiography would be …
Are you going to finish that?
Do you have a quote you live by?
“If you feel safe in the area you’re working in, you’re not working in the right area. Always go a little further into the water than you feel you’re capable of being in. Go a little bit out of your depth. And when you don’t feel that your feet are quite touching the bottom, you’re just about in the right place to do something exciting” – David Bowie.
What is your favourite museum/art gallery?
MONA: Museum of Old and New Art in Tasmania. Getting to it requires you to travel on a catamaran ferry and travelling three floors underground into the blasted rock rooms. It feels like a Bond villain’s lair.
What is the artwork you could look at endlessly?
Len Lye’s Free Radicals. It’s an avant-garde short film made by scratching directly onto the film itself. It looks like crude animation, but it’s set to a drum rhythm from an African Baguirmi tribe. It’s instantly hypnotic, like staring into the flames of a fire.
What is your favourite film?
The top three would be Network, Amadeus and Top Secret!, but if I was really being honest, it’s Star Wars. We had it on VHS and if I raced home after school, I could watch the whole thing before my parents got home.
If a movie was made of your life, which song would be played over the end credits?
Liquid Sunshine by Parliament. It’s a weird banger, and I never want it to end.
Who would play you?
Probably Jason Momoa. When I had a beard it was impossible to tell us apart.
What has been your most enjoyable live theatre experience?
When I was younger I saw Jesus Christ Superstar at the Court Theatre in Christchurch and it knocked my socks off. Recently, I saw Morgana O’Reilly’s Stories About My Body. It’s the piece of art I’ve been most inspired and empowered by. She does seasons of it now and then, so don’t miss the chance to see it.
What has been your most enjoyable live music experience?
Seeing James Brown do the funky monkey and the splits on the stage of the St James at the sweet old age of 70. It was truly something to behold.
What are your favourite genres of music?
Funk, rock, disco, soul, hip-hop.
What were your top songs on Spotify Wrapped for 2024?
Brothers On the Slide by Cymande, Mr Blue Sky by ELO, Ramble On by Led Zeppelin, Peaches by The Stranglers, September, Earth Wind & Fire.
What song always gets you dancing?
Mundian to Bach Ke by Panjabi MC. When that Knight Rider sample drops it’s all over.
If you weren’t an actor/comedian what would you be doing instead?
A builder. There’s nothing more satisfying than seeing something you’ve fixed or made and then getting repeated use out of it.
Which talent or skill do you wish you had?
Portion control.
Do you have a skill or ability that might surprise people?
I can play the clarinet quite well. It’s not as well regarded as the sax or oboe, it’s kind of in a middle ground, like some sort of adult recorder. One day I’ll be brave enough to clarinet in the street again.
Where is your favourite place in New Zealand?
The farm I grew up on, south of Timaru. It, and the wonderful humans who lived there.
What is your favourite place outside of Aotearoa?
A toss up between Japan, France and Tonga. I’ve eaten a lot of calories in each.
What is a destination you’d love to visit some time?
Greece, Spain, Italy or Scotland. I’ll go anywhere with good olive oil or deep fryers.
A good day starts with …
A cuddle with the kids and cooking crêpes for breakfast.
What can’t you resist on a restaurant menu?
The second cheapest wine. It’s probably okay.
What is your guilty pleasure?
A cheeky negroni in the lounge. Sometimes it’s a reward, sometimes it’s therapy.
Josh Thomson appears at The NZ International Comedy Festival on May 15-16 in Wellington and May 21-24 in Auckland.
