Anne and her husband, Ron, in October 1985, when they featured in the Northern Advocate in a story headlined "Northland couple vows not to leave their land" Photo / File
Anne and her husband, Ron, in October 1985, when they featured in the Northern Advocate in a story headlined "Northland couple vows not to leave their land" Photo / File
As news comes in about the severe downturn in dairy prices and continuing drought in the South Island my heart goes out to farming families and all whose livelihoods depend on the rural sector.
It reminds me of the rural downturn in the 1980s. Our family was feeling the financialpressure, there were suicides in our community, families lost their farms and marriages failed.
Our farm was saved but the toll on our family life was huge. Yet we pulled through and rebuilt a happy home.
We learned a lot from that experience and I want to share what helped us in the hope it might help others.
When we felt anxious, angry and afraid, hurtful - and sometimes dishonest - things were said to me. I found myself reacting in kind, or justifying myself, which just made things worse.
But when I took a step back and simply asked myself, "what's really going on here?" I could see it was fear speaking, and that fear was mesmeric, dragging us into an endless, pointless battle of words.
When I awoke to this mental poison, I found the strength and humility to apologise and forgive.
Watch your thinking
Mary Baker Eddy was someone who thought deeply about the effect of our thinking on our experience.
She said: "Hold thought steadfastly to the enduring, the good, and the true, and you will bring these into your experience proportionably to their occupancy of your thoughts." (Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures)
Sometimes I couldn't see our way forward, but I never gave up hope that we could work through the raw emotions in a reasoned way and be freed to lead a normal life.
We gradually learned that if just one of us was patient and kind during a difficult patch, and refused to react in anger, peace would quickly return to our home.
Anne Melville
Each one has inner strength
I discovered that leaving the scene of a disagreement could help. This gave us both space to think things through, to be honest with ourselves and to make changes to our behaviour.
As Kristen Hamling wrote in Listening, the healing power: "I think it pays to remember that people are incredibly resilient and resourceful. If they are given the right time, space and support they can overcome many obstacles and hardships themselves."
Accentuate the positive - be grateful
When you catch your partner doing something right, be grateful for that, and for who they are.
And tell them how grateful you are for even those little things. When I do that I find more and more to be grateful for.
Gratitude certainly multiplies blessings.
Be open to change, to new ideas
Although the farm had plenty of work for us both, we needed extra income so I, reluctantly, got a job. But I loved it.
Eventually, we bought a smaller farm. We're now past retirement age, but still lead active, productive lives in our chosen careers.
These mental strengths were called on constantly through this time.
I remember a pivotal, healing moment when I had given my nearest and dearest "both barrels" for some perceived misdemeanour.
I was left feeling joyless and drained of motivation. But I realised I had a choice. I could stay on this downward slide of self-condemnation, or stand up for my right to self-governance.
I realised I didn't have to accept that anger and impatience were just part of my make-up. Instead, I stood up for what I would term my true spiritual selfhood - the divine right I understand we all have to be loveable and loving.
Within a couple of minutes of this "stamp my foot prayer", the joy returned, and the disagreement was sorted out.
This benchmark experience has given me strength and courage to be more consistently calm and loving in all kinds of tough situations since.
Today, I pray for all those dealing with rural depression to experience something of the spiritual selfhood within themselves and each find their own way to overcome anxiety and despair.
Anne Melville writes from the perspective of the link between spirituality and health.
