Wyn Drabble: Return of jandalman

Wyn Drabble

Well I never!

Whatever next! My first pair of $1.50 jandals lasted two days!

Yes, I know some readers of last week's piece were waiting for that; indeed, they may have waggled a warning finger at my words.

In fact, floggletoggle fatigue set in on the first day but full-on failure occurred on the second day. I was out walking the dog along a pleasant, shaded riverside path when rubber suddenly splayed randomly down below and I was rendered barefoot (but with a rubbery ankle adornment) on the left.

I had not brought my back-up pair of jandals with me which I admit was very foolish but attached to the loop end of the dog's lead were two plastic bread bags (for doggy-dos).

I tightly tied a bread bag around the separated sole and my foot, finishing with a firm granny knot.

This enabled me to proceed, albeit at a pace not appreciated by madam dog.

I also had to depend on madam dog's not being too active in the bowel department because I was now down to just one bag - enough to accommodate one movement, as it were.

Then a miracle occurred! Something I didn't at first believe! There in front of me, on the side of the path, hallucination-like, as if placed there by angels, sat a pair of black jandals. In my size.

Closer inspection revealed that one of them had suffered floggletoggle failure which explained the abandonment. But the gods were still smiling because the left one was intact and that was the one I needed to replace.

I completed my outing with, I admit, jandals which didn't quite match but at least they worked.

It wasn't until I was home on more even floors that I noticed the new-found one was higher than my other one.

I was standing at rather a silly angle though one that would have worked a treat for bar-leaning. So I did the decent thing and had a cold ale.

Close examination revealed that it was quite an upmarket jandal (though not right up in the diamond-studded league) but the failure of its partner was evidence that even spending more money doesn't necessarily keep you out of trouble in the world of jandalry.

The sole was three slices sandwiched together and this rubbery "plywood" explained the altitude. I had a plan for that too.

If I discarded all thonging from the failed jandal, I could turn the sole upside down and glue it to the bottom of the remaining 75 cent jandal and that would no doubt add life to the footwear as well as balancing up the disparate heights.

There was also a small emblem on the thong of the new-found one but I could obliterate that with an application of black permanent marker pen.

The jandal would then be less noticeable as a traitor and I could carry on a reasonably normal life.

That said, I wouldn't wear them to a function where the dress code was "matching jandals".

These would be more for the "some kind of footwear" dress code.

Anyway, I hope you've found my two weeks of jandal discussions useful.

From the reactions I have received, you have.

Clearly there are many out there who have suffered floggletoggle failure and are comforted by the fact that they are not alone.

Whatever you do, please don't become so desperate that you switch to Crocs or sandals worn with socks.

I think my next probing investigation of apparel should involve men's stubbies and could include tips for better displaying builder's bum and for maximising frontal overhang.