Wyn Drabble: Liven things up 'down below'

Wyn Drabble.

I know many of you men shy away from this important issue but I'm here to encourage you to change your ways. The transition should be very easy and I promise it will not involve your GP exploring regions you would rather leave untouched, even though the issue is technically "down below".

There might be a small initial financial outlay ($10-20 should get you started) but it will be negligible when pitted against the joy you could bring the world.

I talk, of course, of socks. "Men's-hose", if you like. For too long men have restricted themselves too severely when it comes to covering the ankle region. For too long men have seen socks as being black, navy, fawn or grey, and if we are to brighten the world, this must stop.

Gentlemen, there are other colours and there are more designs than dreary diamonds. These days you can buy them polka-dotted, striped or mosaicked. You can, if you wish, buy socks with a recurring motif of hot dogs, hamburgers, toucans, bunny rabbits, turkeys or aquatic creatures as diverse as sperm whales and plankton.

Sockage can be scintillating, so seek out interesting foot coverings when you next need to purchase socks. Not grey. Not navy. Firmly, I say, not fawn. And in the sock department, black is not the new anything.

I've just opened my sock drawer for a quick peek and spotted cupcake socks, Jesus socks and "Whatever!" socks. All of them add a little brightness to an often gloomy world and some people DO notice. Last week, one of my pupils, whom I shall call William (that is not his real name - his real name is Will), pointed out to me that I was wearing odd socks.

"I know," I sneered, pulling that face that teenagers use to indicate that parents or teachers belong in the ark. "I did it on purpose." There was at least a thematic link as both bore polka dots, albeit of different colours and sizes. It's all part of brightening up the oft-dreary world we live in. I have a pair of socks purchased from the Art Gallery of New South Wales, one of which is yellow and the other green, yet people (and some very good people at that) have been prompted to suggest that I had another pair exactly the same at home. Not true.

One respected colleague of mine buys socks for her menfolk from an English online store which sells them, I think, by the bagful or boxful. All are brightly coloured and variously patterned but no two are alike; you simply dip in your hand and withdraw two socks (assuming, of course, that you are a biped).

It certainly solves the perennial problem of single socks with no discernible partner. According to a reliable source, a man is about 38 before he has stockpiled enough socks to get one matching pair.

Well, let's not be embarrassed by mismatches anyway. For men who are too shy to be "outlandish" but really want to step out of their drudgery, socks are a good place to begin their transition because they aren't exactly in your face (unless you're wearing them incorrectly). They are hidden away between trouser and shoe and many may not even notice them (especially if they are black, navy, fawn or grey).

Come on, men. Liven things up a little. Contribute to a more colourful world. If you pass me in the street, attract my attention and reveal your socks to me. The least you will receive in return is a smile. I might even show you mine.

Life's too short to wear drab socks.

- Wyn Drabble is a teacher of English, a writer, musician and public speaker.