Wyn Drabble: Beware Wednesday wane

Research - and I admit I'm using the word "research" loosely here - suggests women look their worst at 3.30pm on a Wednesday. The same research found Thursday is the day they feel most amorous and Friday is their happiest day. I'm sure you needed to know this.

Let's ignore the reason somebody has spent good money on such research and focus instead on the findings. The study suggests women look their oldest at 3.30pm on Wednesday because that is when energy levels are flagging, work stress is at its peak and the effects of any weekend hard living are finally kicking in.

One of the shocking findings of the study was that a quarter of women reach for a sugary snack in a bid to boost their flagging mid-week energy levels. I'm sure you can imagine the horrifying effects of this on a world scale. It sure puts the Marmite crisis into perspective.

Even more shocking, perhaps, is the finding that more than one in 10 women (the precise figure is 12 per cent) will abandon their skin care regime completely on a Wednesday. Can you imagine!

We all know that without proper cleansing of everyday facial build-up, our skin becomes duller and drier and therefore older looking.

Marge: Oh dear, I have overlooked my skin care regime and my skin has become dull and dry and all clogged up. What shall I do?

Doris: Try this. It worked a treat on my bathroom grouting.

Marge: How can I ever thank you.

The study begs the question: will greenhouse gas emissions ever be cut to acceptable levels? Oops, sorry, wrong study. The question it really begs is: when do men look their worst?

The answer that springs immediately to mind is first thing every morning but this answer lacks authority because it wasn't part of a study. Of course, I will institute such a study but, in the meantime, I'll just have to offer anecdotal impressions.

I'm sorry to say men look their worst more often than women because most men do not even have a regular skin care regime. Oh, I admit many men will sometimes have a wash but, in general, they just don't cleanse their pores and apply product.

This means the peak time most men are looking their worst is from Monday through to Sunday.

Man 1: I'm looking my worst. My skin is puffy and quite old-looking. Do you think I should apply product or something?

Man 2: Nah, stuff it. Let's just find a bar.

Men will also look their worst straight after they have hooked their drive off the first tee. This can often be remedied by the ingestion of product at the 19th but it still takes its toll.

For men and women, getting enough sleep is an important factor in looking good. I should probably be a lot more attractive than I am because I find falling asleep so easy I can do it with my eyes shut.

Experts - now, there's a title you can't argue with - say that most men and women need seven to eight hours of sleep per night but state there are differences in how men and women sleep.

These experts say women tend to sleep less deeply and are more prone to sleeping disorders such as insomnia. Of course, the cure for insomnia is a good night's sleep.

The study I have been describing found 37 per cent of women reported Monday as the night they were most likely to get a bad night's sleep. The suggested reason is the shock of going back to work. Effects of this poor sleep will often not show up until ... you guessed it ... Wednesday afternoon.

I know a lot of women reading this will want to debate these findings and that's healthy. To this end, I have made time available to meet you over coffee. I'll see you next Wednesday at 3.30pm sharp.