Three Whangarei women set up inclusive funeral business

Jo Samuel (left) and Jo Moselen two of the women behind A Graceful Undertaking. The third partner is Jules Palmer.

Whangārei women Jo Samuel, Jo Moselen and Jules Palmer have started a new funeral service called A Graceful Undertaking.

They started the business after personal experiences of loved ones dying, the stress of organising funerals, and many conversations with other people who all said much the same thing: ''It wasn't really what we wanted''.

A farewell ceremony should be personally tailored and include the wishes of the deceased and the bereaved family, Jo Samuel said.

It doesn't have to leave tradition behind and it doesn't have to be wildly entertaining — although it could be either, and anything in between.

As part of their wish to demystify what happens immediately after death and to help loved ones come to terms with the events, A Graceful Undertaking welcomes family members to be involved.

That might mean washing, dressing, touching, ''tenderly acknowledging'', the one who has passed away. Or, it could be just helping plan the service and burial or cremation.

Samuel said they encourage the family to have the deceased at home where possible, but there is no pressure for anyone to do something they are not comfortable with.

''What is important is that what happens is a reflection of the person they have lost. There are families who take ownership and make choices, while other families are happy to hand the decisions over,'' Moselen said.

''But, always, we try to make sure they understand the process, they feel involved. Anything we can, we do to encourage people to talk about what they might want.''

One of the first conversations might be about embalming, a practice which A Graceful Undertaking does not carry out. The women say it is unnecessary 95 per cent of the time and there are safe, non-invasive, and ''dignified'' alternatives.

They said the urge to keep the recently dead at a distance and to have the preparation and funeral process handled by strangers is a relatively modern practice.

Undertaking was a male-dominated industry from the mid-1800s until recently. Before then, preparing the dead for burial and cremation was traditionally a task for women.

Moselen said that's why funeral directors' premises are called funeral 'homes'; to infer a homely substitute for a very personal, family process.

The women are proponents of natural burials and are pleased to see it is now an option at Whangārei's Maunu Cemetery.

They did not do the preparation or service for the first burial of its kind on Saturday, but supplied the bamboo shroud in which the body went into the earth.

''The site is just beautiful,'' Samuel said of the first cemetery north of Auckland to allow this style of burial.

''It is such a natural process, going back to the earth. We applaud the [Whangārei] council for doing this.''

A Graceful Undertaking is seeking a suitable premises in Whangārei's commercial zone.

Other funeral companies in Whangarei have helped out with facilities when needed.

''But for the most part and until we get our own premises, we and the families have been happy to work in their own homes'' Samuel said.

''We are going back to what women know. But just because we are three women, that doesn't mean our service is not available to all.''