Nickie Muir: Mete out poetic justice

Nickie Muir.

Dear Colin,
(After following your court case and reading your poem; You are beautiful and wonderful.)
Your feelings for Rachel are no longer shining,
You're wonderful. Beautiful. Your winning smile; my silver lining,
Your self-esteem seems low - you've made your own hard row to hoe,
And that's not a metaphor for Rachel,
I'd like to say to her - "girl, like; hey chill!"
Some people may think this is all creepy and weird,
I think Rachel just looks a bit scared.
I'm not.
I think you're hot.
We've been brought together by much more than chance, Col,
Mostly it's just the cool way you fill out your pants (lol).
You do have the most beautiful ...
In honour of which I bought a new frock!
You are wonderful my little Christian fundy
We could kiss and not take off our undies!
I don't find you dodgy or disgusting
The only thing I feel for you, Colin, is a sisterly lusting.

Reply:
Dear Ed,
What do you mean; 'Seriously?!" Yes. This is seriously my column this week. And no. I am not taking the proverbial and I'm hurt that you would think that about me.

Yes, I do take my job very seriously and understand that it is a privilege to be able to have column space.

Of course, I'm aware that Syria is an issue and we have some major social justice problems unfolding in New Zealand, but other media follow this case so it must be important.

I'm sorry if you don't appreciate my budding literary potential.
I was free-forming it. Like Colin.

He inspires me and no, this is not some sad attempt at karma for all the times Colin has threatened to sue, well, let's be honest, almost everyone in the media.

I do agree that it is like watching a train wreck in slow motion and I'm did not enjoy the court case at all. I didn't think it was entertaining and I was following it out of professional interest alone.

Oh, and my love for him.

No, I am not obsessed with Colin. He excites me and he is just very misunderstood. He wants to make New Zealand a better place and it would be, if more employers wrote love poems as beautifully as Colin does.

I really think you should consider that Ed. I am horrified at your suggestion regarding the three dots ... I was leaving it to your imagination! I didn't think you were going to go there.

The word was: "locks". Locks.

I love Colin's hair. The sweep of it. The manly flick. It frames his eyelashes and smouldering gazes. Who even are the Taxpayers' Union and why can't they get a real job?!
Seriously,
Me